my father's daughter

if there is one thing that i inherited from my father, other than the thick hair and my "character building" nose, it's my temper.

{warning - this post is going to contain foul language. i'm sorry, but it does.}
 
the absolute fucking LAST thing i would ever want to inherit from him. my dad's temper is horrible. dealing with my dad's temper has made mine even worse. i despise my temper. i hate it with a burning passion.

i have friends who joke that i must be italian, because i have the temper of a woman from naples. it takes little to get me to start talking smack, and a little more to where it's hard to stop my reflex to hit/kick/scratch/bite someone. i've also had a (guy) friend joke that violence is my way of showing affection.

i really wish that wasn't true. it really is one of my ways of showing affection, unfortunately.

my old softball coach used to purposefully piss me off to get me to play harder. my director pissed me off to get me to act harder, sing louder. and it pissed me off even more because i knew what they were doing and that they were using my weakness, and pissed me off even MORE that it worked!


but what's even worse is that the people i love the most are the ones who most easily trigger that horrible beast. my mom and my dad both can get it going in two nanoseconds (sorry, mamacita, but it's true), and the boy and i never fought, not even once. raphael and i fought tooth and nail 24/7 - we haven't spoken for two years and he is still one of my best friends. and oh, honeybee, sweetheart... you get that temper going preeeeeetty badly.

i'm so sorry for today D:

luckily, at some point my temper lets me think clearer and concentrate so much better so that i can figure out a solution.

which happened today.

thank god.


i just hate feeling like a total bitch towards people :(


hopefully tomorrow will be better :D