second day in and still making progress

hi there! if you're reading this, you have made it to the second day of the new year.
congratulations.
given up on your resolution{s} yet?

i hope not.

my resolutions are going surprisingly well, actually. for being one day in. except for the caffeine thing. i've had an entire pot of coffee today. i've chatted with multiple people {on facebook. you actually think i left my house? psh.} and wrote my 750words {well, not today yet}, done my yoga, and took pictures. pretty good, eh?

my to-do list is an entirely different story.

i have ten or eleven {one of them is a repeat because i need to do it more than once} items on it, and i've done... four. four items.

luckily, half of them are fairly easy, enjoyable items. like sleeping and writing and doing my nails.

others, not so much. gahhhhhhhhhhh.

and only one of them can truly wait until tomorrow. and that's repainting my nails.

do you hear me cussing myself out? this shit should have been done weeks ago.

at least i work well under pressure *sigh*

and the chemistry stuff should be fun. ish. i enjoy painting, even though i suck at it.

BUT i do redeem myself in that i took some pretty pictures today because....

guess what!

it SNOWED! SNOWY SNOWY SNOW!

also... those pictures are of me, with not a single speck of makeup on.
i don't do that sort of thing. meaning post pictures without makeup on.
i use taking pictures as an excuse to put makeup on 99% of the time.
that or i refuse to either take photos of me without makeup or refuse to post them anywhere.
guess what?
somebody finally got herself some confidence.
plus i'm just sick, absolutely sick of society pressure girls to be their version of "perfect" where we can't even be ourselves, we have to wear thick masks of goop and powder.

yes, i'm more comfortable when i have at least a tiny bit of makeup on, but that's because it's me. i'm a tad bit vain and i like playing with makeup. i also like wearing heels and dresses and other things that i have issues with society basically forcing girls and women to wear these things if they have confidence issues and want to be perfect in society's eyes.

some girls don't like wearing heels and dresses and makeup and are seen as "weird" or "different" because of it.

your point?

we all need to be comfortable in our own skin.

and now i am. i hope others can do that, too.

which leads me to this {which is inspired by The Bloggess' extremely open, tear-inducing blog post}

ever since the time i turned thirteen, i haven't been the most confident, happy person around. i am a worrywart, a perfectionist, a know-it-all, and a reformed i-want-everyone-to-like-me-no-matter-what-it-takes as well as a reformed people pleaser.

and, because of the stress i went through between switching schools and my grandfather being diagnosed with cancer and no matter what i did i couldn't seem to get my best friend to see me as something other than an annoying baby sister, my head got pretty fucked up.

it happens. i'm not going into the whole deep, dark, long story, but i was depressed {family history didn't help me any} and a bottle of pills tempted me a time or two. i saw a counselor a few times {not a school guidance counselor} and it started to get better. i forced myself to start to get better.

and now i am. for the most part. luckily it's only brief periods where i slip into that horrible darkness, and i wish it were like that for those who aren't so lucky, who face it every day. like The Bloggess, and many, many others.


YOU ARE LOVED.