pillow forts and 750words

unfortunately, i didn't build a pillow fort today. and i haven't in years. mostly because my room hasn't been truly clean in - wait for it...- years. yeah. i know it's bad, but... whatever. i want to build one, though.
ANYWAYS....

i've been playing around on 750words.com for the past couple of days. i love the concept - you just writewritewrite seven hundred and fifty words. it doesn't have to be coherent or have a plot or anything like that. it can be about whatever you want it to be about. it's a good way to get ideas flowing and/or rant and just let everything pour out of your system. or, at least, that's what i've used it for so far.
and it's really not that hard.
i mean, the "stats" thing says that the average world time it takes for people to write their 750 words is around an hour, but i can get mine in about 15-20 minutes - mostly because i'm sitting there typing wildfire the entire time (not literally typing wildfire, fyi. just typing at a minimum of 55wpm.)
the type of routine there is to it makes it really easy for me, too. well, i don't want to say easy... but you can see the days x'd off on the top of the screen and it feels good.

that was yesterday's stats. i was.... really pissed off when i wrote it. and totally random because i was typing about absolutely anything that popped into my head. which unfortunately includes he-who-shall-not-be-named. actually, i went off on him without actually going off on him via that entry (all entries are private unless you post them somewhere... which i did... just not here.). and i unfriended him (and a bunch of other people who i secretly hated) on facebook. it felt good.
but that ranting felt better.
and my emotions are obviously portrayed in the above pie charts.

this is from today's.

so is this.

and so is this (all of them are screen shots :P)
i think i'll always end up with introvert and uncertain and thinking, but hey! i changed from negative to positive! go me!
today's felt really good to write, too. and it's actually safe to post here ;)

Where are you? You wonderful boy you. Are you right in front of me or in Ireland or Italy or Brazil or New York or Canada just waiting for me to find you?

Will you build forts with me? Will you snuggle with me and close your eyes with me and just LISTEN to music with me? Do you like cats and dogs and llamas and other fluffy things? Will you tell me I look pretty or that I smell good or I feel soft or that my kisses taste sweet? Will you like my cooking? Will you like my perfume? Will you read my words and smile, or read my words and hold me close and tell me you understand, tell me that you will always and always and always be there for me? Will you make me coffee just the way I like it? Will you teach me how for when you're not there, or when you can't get out of bed to make it? I hope that's not often, but a girl should know that sort of thing. 

Will you rub the arch of my foot absentmindedly as we sit on a porch swing or in the grass somewhere and read together with my feet in your lap? Will you laugh at my reading glasses perched at the end of my nose? Will you support me in anything and everything I want to do? I'll support you. No matter what. 

Will you play with my hair and hold me close and play with my fingers one by one by one? My toes?

Will you watch me with curious eyes when I write or type up a storm? Will you stay in with me on Friday nights and Sunday mornings and just cuddle with me? Kiss my forehead and my nose and my cheek and my lips? Will you think my love for elephants and giraffes and zebras and bears is endearing? Will you think it's lovely, or adorable, or passionate?

Will you hold me when I cry? I do that sometimes. Sometimes you just need to...............................

Will you tell me I'm pretty even when I feel like shit and lend me your shirts? I know you'll smell good. I know you'll have eyes that I could dive into and never come back out. Why would I want to? I know you're lovely. Will you know me, even if your eyes are closed? Will you make me believe in love again? Will you listen to me sing along to my favorite songs a little bit off key, but not really intentionally? Will you sing them along with me?

Will you share my love for words and foods and pretty places and pretty things? Will you give me space when I need it? I'll give you the same respect in return.
I dream of you, you know. 

I know I'm not going to get to have you while I'm still in high school. Just... No. That's already been made clear to me. Boys here are boys, and unless you magically appear from the sky... You're not going to get here that soon. But you'll be in my life. I know it. Will it be in college? Grad school? Will I meet you when I'm in some distant, far away place that I'll hardly be able to believe is the same planet as where I'm from, coerce you to come home with me? Will I meet you when I begin to work? Will I meet you at a random coffee shop someday, when we both reach for the same cup?
Will you be smooth, or will you stumble? There will be confidence there, I'm ever so sure. Just maybe not at first. Guys tend to not like girls with higher confidence than them, so I know you'll have confidence. 

Sometimes I'm not confident. Sometimes I falter and I cry and I feel miserable about myself. Once upon a time, I wanted to kill myself? Did you know that? Of course you would find out, at some point. That's something too important to hide from someone like you.

Will you teach me how to love? And how to talk? I've never really learned. Not more than a love for my mother or family or for the people I consider my sisters and brothers. Not more than that. I've screwed up and said the words, which was being cruel to the boys I said the words to, and I'm sorry for that. Those sacred words should have never flown from my mouth with them. I've always had walls up. I've always stopped talking at the wrong time and they take it personally and think I want a meaninglessly physical relationship. I assure you, I don't. I just don't know HOW. My heart hasn't been able to teach me. This is high school, right now. Everything happens in double time and my mouth and heart and brain and soul all lag, never developing anything more than care or like or, occasionally, lust.

Change that.

Love, Rissa.

so, would you do something like 750words? do you do 750words?
happy monday!