Confessions...

the lovely annie at my sweet old etcetera does a confession posting every week.

i am always wanting to figure out one to post of my own, but haven't been able to come up with anything until this week, where she did one with a "love & marriage" theme.

i have always wanted two kids and a husband. the boy will be older than the girl by about two years, and we will all live in a house with a chocolate lab and a wrought iron fence... at least it wasn't white picket ;)

though i want kids and a husband, i do not want them until i have established the rest of my life. i want to have a job, afford a decent home for my children, and set the foundation with the guy i love before kids come around. both of my half-sisters got pregnant when they were teenagers, as was one of my stepsisters, and i've seen the aftermath.

i honestly do not want to be a stay-at-home mom. i am always grateful that my mom decided to be one, but i don't think i could be happy without a job and routine. unless i write a novel that gets published and i get another book deal with the publisher and my husband has a good job... no stay at home mommy for rissa.

for my sophomore year, i plan on making myself a lonely hearts club style pact. if you haven't read "the lonely hearts club" by elizabeth eulberg, you should. basically, this pact swears off those cruel, heart-breaking guys - not completely, but it really swears off the girl many of us tend to become when we have a crush on a guy. this year i'm staying true to myself, and not changing because i think it will make a guy like me.

when somebody proposes to be someday, i don't want it to be too dramatic or too cheesy. honestly, i'd want him to come to my house or apartment or wherever i'm living for dinner with a white rose and a blackberry lily held together by the ring. the gesture is there, but it's still simple.

i have never wanted my wedding in a church. i've always imagined it to be on a beach or in a meadow.

i have always wanted to wear my grandmother's wedding dress when i get married. though i never got to meet her, she and i could have been twins, both personality and looks wise. plus, though she and my grandfather had many issues, i know they loved each other with all of their hearts, just by the way grandpa spoke of her.

though i do not think chivalry is dead, i do think that every once and a while, the girl should pay. for one thing, when the guy pays all the time for me, it makes me feel like they think i am not competent enough to do anything for myself - though i know that i am competent and that they don't think that.

every guy that i've ever "dated" has been really sweet, and i'm still friends with all of them, even if we don't talk that much.

though i am a total hopeless romantic, i am also a true cynic about love. i've never really truly seen it (romantically) in real life, so i have my doubts that it exists.

ok, i swear, this is my last post of the night.

questions? comments?

xoxo,

rissa