fill-in-the-blank friday

i'm not even going to start to try to explain how my week has gone. it has just been really rough.

really, really rough.

without further ado, here are your fill-in-the-blanks from lauren at the little things we do.

* one of my favorite things to do when i have free time is curl up with a cup of tea or coffee and write like the wind.

* when i have free time i tend to be really, really lazy. i nap and i read {that's productive in my eyes, though} and i write {also productive} and i tend to eat more.

* if i had an entire day completely to myself i would go hang out at a nearby {and totally crunchy} town that has coffee shops and book stores and pretty free spaces. and i would write. a lot.

* i prefer to spend my free time (alone or with others...) it honestly depends on the day. because of the way i was raised, i'm really used to being alone and that tends to be the way i'm most comfortable, but get me around the right people {evvie, my boys, the thespians...} and i'm happy as a clam.

* most of my free time happens in the summer and on some weekends. but i always have a backlog of chores, etc.

* the best thing about free time is that it is FREE! i'm free to work towards my goals or just relax. i like relaxing.

* the next time i have free time i should probably seriously make a dent in my work in progress but instead i'll probably read or putter around on the interwebs.

happy friday!

second day in and still making progress

hi there! if you're reading this, you have made it to the second day of the new year.
congratulations.
given up on your resolution{s} yet?

i hope not.

my resolutions are going surprisingly well, actually. for being one day in. except for the caffeine thing. i've had an entire pot of coffee today. i've chatted with multiple people {on facebook. you actually think i left my house? psh.} and wrote my 750words {well, not today yet}, done my yoga, and took pictures. pretty good, eh?

my to-do list is an entirely different story.

i have ten or eleven {one of them is a repeat because i need to do it more than once} items on it, and i've done... four. four items.

luckily, half of them are fairly easy, enjoyable items. like sleeping and writing and doing my nails.

others, not so much. gahhhhhhhhhhh.

and only one of them can truly wait until tomorrow. and that's repainting my nails.

do you hear me cussing myself out? this shit should have been done weeks ago.

at least i work well under pressure *sigh*

and the chemistry stuff should be fun. ish. i enjoy painting, even though i suck at it.

BUT i do redeem myself in that i took some pretty pictures today because....

guess what!

it SNOWED! SNOWY SNOWY SNOW!

also... those pictures are of me, with not a single speck of makeup on.
i don't do that sort of thing. meaning post pictures without makeup on.
i use taking pictures as an excuse to put makeup on 99% of the time.
that or i refuse to either take photos of me without makeup or refuse to post them anywhere.
guess what?
somebody finally got herself some confidence.
plus i'm just sick, absolutely sick of society pressure girls to be their version of "perfect" where we can't even be ourselves, we have to wear thick masks of goop and powder.

yes, i'm more comfortable when i have at least a tiny bit of makeup on, but that's because it's me. i'm a tad bit vain and i like playing with makeup. i also like wearing heels and dresses and other things that i have issues with society basically forcing girls and women to wear these things if they have confidence issues and want to be perfect in society's eyes.

some girls don't like wearing heels and dresses and makeup and are seen as "weird" or "different" because of it.

your point?

we all need to be comfortable in our own skin.

and now i am. i hope others can do that, too.

which leads me to this {which is inspired by The Bloggess' extremely open, tear-inducing blog post}

ever since the time i turned thirteen, i haven't been the most confident, happy person around. i am a worrywart, a perfectionist, a know-it-all, and a reformed i-want-everyone-to-like-me-no-matter-what-it-takes as well as a reformed people pleaser.

and, because of the stress i went through between switching schools and my grandfather being diagnosed with cancer and no matter what i did i couldn't seem to get my best friend to see me as something other than an annoying baby sister, my head got pretty fucked up.

it happens. i'm not going into the whole deep, dark, long story, but i was depressed {family history didn't help me any} and a bottle of pills tempted me a time or two. i saw a counselor a few times {not a school guidance counselor} and it started to get better. i forced myself to start to get better.

and now i am. for the most part. luckily it's only brief periods where i slip into that horrible darkness, and i wish it were like that for those who aren't so lucky, who face it every day. like The Bloggess, and many, many others.


YOU ARE LOVED.

oh what a way to start the new year!

like what you see? eh? ehhhhhh?

it was about time for a new face for this dear ol' blog, and what better way to ring in the new year? i've spent all of its eve playing and tweaking with it until i got everything just so.

don't judge me for not having plans.

all of my plans fell through. bastards.

but, that allowed me to indulge my antisocial, nerdy, crunchy self in some computer-and-coconut-milk-ice-cream time.

because i made my resolutions days ago. yes, in the plural. there are twenty-five.

what can i say? 2012 is going to be a big year for me.

i'll elaborate on that later.... well, i sorta already did in the shiny sparkly new gypsy tab up there at the top. but still. more later.

before i pass out, here are my twenty-five {they're like potato chips or pieces of candy to me. i can't have just one!} new years resolutions {and yes, they're worded just as i originally wrote them so it sounds like i'm talking to myself}:

1. go gluten-free. {except for super special occasions}
2. get my drivers license. {forealdoe. i need that thing. now.}
3. save more money than i spend. {well shit.}
4. treat myself often. {helloooooo, new-ish coffeeshop in town, i believe i will be seeing you frequently.}
5. do 5 minutes of yoga EVERY day. OR ELSE. {this should be easy. but it won't be.}
6. do my 750words every day. even if i don't have internet. {*headdesk* *headdesk* WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME SO?!}
7. be more social. {and less stand-off-ish}
8. keep my room tidy enough to have visitors. {because you know that's why you never have anybody over}
9. write every day. or one of evvie's imaginary pets will rape your ear with its tongue. {*whines*}
10. swim and lay out in the sun {with sunscreen, of course} as much as possible. {come ON. you know you want to. you always want to but you always do. for once, put yourself before your interwebz life and your writing. balance.}
11. no more pro-con lists. {seriously, riss. no more. those things make you psychotic. you'll thank me for this come november}
12. speak up when you usually shut up, shut up when you usually speak up. {your judgement sucks on that shit. you just don't know when to walk away, do you?}
13. be selfish. {you don't have to tell me twice.}
14. keep clothing collection to a minimum. {gypsy, remember? you are aiming to be a gypsy!}
15. learn how to pack light. {again, the gypsy thing. you idiot}
16. stop procrastinating so much. {that's going to be tough...}
17. cut down on soda. {mleh. no big deal. except for during theatre season}
18. ease off of the caffeine. {fuck you! why would you even put that?! THAT'S THE ELIXIR OF YOUR LIFE YOU DUMBSHIT!}
19. take lots of pictures. {even if that makes you socially awkward. um, SOMEBODY has to take pictures!}
20. love freely. {challenge accepted, though easier said than done.}
21. spend more time in the Real World. {BUT BUT BUT *clings to twitter*}
22. finish a NaNo! {or else. but seriously. this is basically your last year to do it and maybe if you do you'll learn how to actually do it in college, too.}
23. write in my gratitude journal daily. {puh-leeze. all i have to do is remember.... wait. shit.}
24. learn how to be a gypsy. {*nodnod* I WILL BE ONE BY MY SEVENTEENTH BIRTHDAY, DAMN IT.}
25. kiss raph. {*awed silence*}

those are my goals this year. i'm pretty sure i can do it, even with my snarkastic mental commentary.

so, what are some of your new years resolutions?