tales of a teenage gypsy

fill-in-the-blank friday

2012-01-06T20:19:00.000-05:00

i'm not even going to start to try to explain how my week has gone. it has just been really rough.

really, really rough.

without further ado, here are your fill-in-the-blanks from lauren at the little things we do.

* one of my favorite things to do when i have free time is curl up with a cup of tea or coffee and write like the wind.

* when i have free time i tend to be really, really lazy. i nap and i read {that's productive in my eyes, though} and i write {also productive} and i tend to eat more.

* if i had an entire day completely to myself i would go hang out at a nearby {and totally crunchy} town that has coffee shops and book stores and pretty free spaces. and i would write. a lot.

* i prefer to spend my free time (alone or with others...) it honestly depends on the day. because of the way i was raised, i'm really used to being alone and that tends to be the way i'm most comfortable, but get me around the right people {evvie, my boys, the thespians...} and i'm happy as a clam.

* most of my free time happens in the summer and on some weekends. but i always have a backlog of chores, etc.

* the best thing about free time is that it is FREE! i'm free to work towards my goals or just relax. i like relaxing.

* the next time i have free time i should probably seriously make a dent in my work in progress but instead i'll probably read or putter around on the interwebs.

happy friday!

second day in and still making progress

2012-01-02T20:43:00.002-05:00

hi there! if you're reading this, you have made it to the second day of the new year.
congratulations.
given up on your resolution{s} yet?

i hope not.

my resolutions are going surprisingly well, actually. for being one day in. except for the caffeine thing. i've had an entire pot of coffee today. i've chatted with multiple people {on facebook. you actually think i left my house? psh.} and wrote my 750words {well, not today yet}, done my yoga, and took pictures. pretty good, eh?

my to-do list is an entirely different story.

i have ten or eleven {one of them is a repeat because i need to do it more than once} items on it, and i've done... four. four items.

luckily, half of them are fairly easy, enjoyable items. like sleeping and writing and doing my nails.

others, not so much. gahhhhhhhhhhh.

and only one of them can truly wait until tomorrow. and that's repainting my nails.

do you hear me cussing myself out? this shit should have been done weeks ago.

at least i work well under pressure *sigh*

and the chemistry stuff should be fun. ish. i enjoy painting, even though i suck at it.

BUT i do redeem myself in that i took some pretty pictures today because....

guess what!

it SNOWED! SNOWY SNOWY SNOW!

also... those pictures are of me, with not a single speck of makeup on.
i don't do that sort of thing. meaning post pictures without makeup on.
i use taking pictures as an excuse to put makeup on 99% of the time.
that or i refuse to either take photos of me without makeup or refuse to post them anywhere.
guess what?
somebody finally got herself some confidence.
plus i'm just sick, absolutely sick of society pressure girls to be their version of "perfect" where we can't even be ourselves, we have to wear thick masks of goop and powder.

yes, i'm more comfortable when i have at least a tiny bit of makeup on, but that's because it's me. i'm a tad bit vain and i like playing with makeup. i also like wearing heels and dresses and other things that i have issues with society basically forcing girls and women to wear these things if they have confidence issues and want to be perfect in society's eyes.

some girls don't like wearing heels and dresses and makeup and are seen as "weird" or "different" because of it.

your point?

we all need to be comfortable in our own skin.

and now i am. i hope others can do that, too.

which leads me to this {which is inspired by The Bloggess' extremely open, tear-inducing blog post}

ever since the time i turned thirteen, i haven't been the most confident, happy person around. i am a worrywart, a perfectionist, a know-it-all, and a reformed i-want-everyone-to-like-me-no-matter-what-it-takes as well as a reformed people pleaser.

and, because of the stress i went through between switching schools and my grandfather being diagnosed with cancer and no matter what i did i couldn't seem to get my best friend to see me as something other than an annoying baby sister, my head got pretty fucked up.

it happens. i'm not going into the whole deep, dark, long story, but i was depressed {family history didn't help me any} and a bottle of pills tempted me a time or two. i saw a counselor a few times {not a school guidance counselor} and it started to get better. i forced myself to start to get better.

and now i am. for the most part. luckily it's only brief periods where i slip into that horrible darkness, and i wish it were like that for those who aren't so lucky, who face it every day. like The Bloggess, and many, many others.

YOU ARE LOVED.

oh what a way to start the new year!

2012-01-01T02:59:00.003-05:00

like what you see? eh? ehhhhhh?

it was about time for a new face for this dear ol' blog, and what better way to ring in the new year? i've spent all of its eve playing and tweaking with it until i got everything just so.

don't judge me for not having plans.

all of my plans fell through. bastards.

but, that allowed me to indulge my antisocial, nerdy, crunchy self in some computer-and-coconut-milk-ice-cream time.

because i made my resolutions days ago. yes, in the plural. there are twenty-five.

what can i say? 2012 is going to be a big year for me.

i'll elaborate on that later.... well, i sorta already did in the shiny sparkly new gypsy tab up there at the top. but still. more later.

before i pass out, here are my twenty-five {they're like potato chips or pieces of candy to me. i can't have just one!} new years resolutions {and yes, they're worded just as i originally wrote them so it sounds like i'm talking to myself}:

go gluten-free. {except for super special occasions}
get my drivers license. {forealdoe. i need that thing. now.}
save more money than i spend. {well shit.}
treat myself often. {helloooooo, new-ish coffeeshop in town, i believe i will be seeing you frequently.}
do 5 minutes of yoga EVERY day. OR ELSE. {this should be easy. but it won't be.}
do my 750words every day. even if i don't have internet. {*headdesk* *headdesk* WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME SO?!}
be more social. {and less stand-off-ish}
keep my room tidy enough to have visitors. {because you know that's why you never have anybody over}
write every day. or one of evvie's imaginary pets will rape your ear with its tongue. {*whines*}
swim and lay out in the sun {with sunscreen, of course} as much as possible. {come ON. you know you want to. you always want to but you always do. for once, put yourself before your interwebz life and your writing. balance.}
no more pro-con lists. {seriously, riss. no more. those things make you psychotic. you'll thank me for this come november}
speak up when you usually shut up, shut up when you usually speak up. {your judgement sucks on that shit. you just don't know when to walk away, do you?}
be selfish. {you don't have to tell me twice.}
keep clothing collection to a minimum. {gypsy, remember? you are aiming to be a gypsy!}
learn how to pack light. {again, the gypsy thing. you idiot}
stop procrastinating so much. {that's going to be tough...}
cut down on soda. {mleh. no big deal. except for during theatre season}
ease off of the caffeine. {fuck you! why would you even put that?! THAT'S THE ELIXIR OF YOUR LIFE YOU DUMBSHIT!}
take lots of pictures. {even if that makes you socially awkward. um, SOMEBODY has to take pictures!}
love freely. {challenge accepted, though easier said than done.}
spend more time in the Real World. {BUT BUT BUT *clings to twitter*}
finish a NaNo! {or else. but seriously. this is basically your last year to do it and maybe if you do you'll learn how to actually do it in college, too.}
write in my gratitude journal daily. {puh-leeze. all i have to do is remember.... wait. shit.}
learn how to be a gypsy. {*nodnod* I WILL BE ONE BY MY SEVENTEENTH BIRTHDAY, DAMN IT.}
kiss raph. {*awed silence*}

those are my goals this year. i'm pretty sure i can do it, even with my snarkastic mental commentary.

so, what are some of your new years resolutions?

friday!

2011-12-16T19:34:00.001-05:00

this week actually seemed shorter than most, by some miracle.
i think it might have been the cloud of happiness around me.
that or the fact that i actually don't feel like a zombie anymore even though i've had LESS sleep than usual.

this was my last full week of actual school until the second week of january, which is the start of the new semester. monday through thursday are EXAMSEXAMSEXAMS.
which actually seem like they're going to be easy.
simply because i know my stuff and i'm allowed to have a cheat sheet at the very least on each exam. in pre-ap i get to use EVERYTHING because we're just writing two essays and, hello!, it sort of helps to have textual support sometimes. and in econ, i get to use my entire notebook of outlines. thank you, god.

but, right along with the beginning of the second semester is the beginning of our production of oliver!

i'm definitely resting as much as physically possible over the break. especially since we're going to have wee ones in oliver!

anyways, in effort to take a break from the addictingness that editing pictures on picnik is, here's your fill in the blank friday from lauren at the little things we do!

* my most favorite "little thing" is either being lazy with a hot cup of coffee on a sunday morning or feeling pretty. yes, i am slightly vain. but isn't everyone?

* i'd give anything to go on uchicago's trip to greece next summer. damn you people, sending me tempting pamphlets!!

* i can't believe my junior year is already halfway over. it seemed like barely two weeks ago it was august and i was just starting off the year. less than a year until i start applying to colleges, and i'm freaking excited!

* the one thing i'd like to achieve today is an hour of yoga. it sounds sooooooo good right now because my back is killing me. i feel like a spring that's a tad bit too compressed.

* the last thing i want to do today is fail miserably at writing. so i'll try not to fail :)

* if i were writing my own blank today, it would say: december word association: go!

* my favorite candle scent is ... well, um, i don't really burn candles. but my old english teacher had (and still has) a sugar cookie one on a warmer in her classroom so it always smells really good in there.

fiesta

2011-12-12T20:31:00.001-05:00

i actually had an amazing weekend, even though there were some pretty... um... unexpected twists and turns in the plot. and some expected ones, too.

and i literally only have one picture of the party. and that was because i simply HAD to get photographic evidence of theo's expression. only reason i didn't get that many pictures was because it was fairly dim and people got pissed off at me for using flash, though. OTHERWISE THERE WOULD BE PICTURES.
i would have forced them to face my wrath.

one of the many reasons i should {and should not} be allowed to have my own camera.

but i am one very happy chica right now. even though the stress of exams and other impending doom is pressing down upon me... i'm happy. i'm the happiest i've been for quite some time.

says the girl who has sobbed her eyes out to three books and two episodes of BONES in the past two weeks.

ANYWAYS.

i'm happy because i have raphael back. as my best friend, that is.

the gang was all at the party on saturday apart from gabriel. he thought the party was going to be trashy, and it wasn't REALLY. not like OMGSHIELDYOUREYESHIDEYOWIFEANCHILLUN trashy. there were a couple of people who.. well. yeah. it was a party. a party with parental supervision, but a party all the same.

the birthday girls were their usual primped selves, though i have to admit i LOVED tory's dress. mostly because i have a thing for ruffles.

keep in mind that these are people i see a couple of times a year. that makes me able to stand their... um... incompetence isn't a nice word but it's the only one that pops into my head.

anyways, they were gracious hostesses though i arrived a tad bit early, hugging and squealing and complimenting me over my dolled-up-ness and electric colored shoes. i, of course, wished them both happy birthday and fussed over them an appropriate amount until evangeline arrived.

there was definitely squealing then.

while i've seen evvie the most recently and most frequently of my lovely quartet of friends, i never get tired of seeing her. it might have to do with the fact that she's the only other female in the group or that she's my sister or simply that i talk to her the most. and she's adorable when she's all smitten over a certain someone.

who was SUPPOSED to go to said party, but, when i called him {and he had no idea who i was because he's never met me in his life} he had "company." *is suspicious*

the next to arrive was theo and his always cute-as-a-button younger brother. of course, we hung out with the older of the pair, seeing as he is evvie's bestie soul mate {dare i compare them to gabriel and i? they're slightly more.... telepathic than us, but i suppose i do dare.}, dancing sillily to the pulsing music as more people continued to trickle in. and then....

raph arrived.

i don't know what it is, but i always get the worst case of nerves if there's even the slightest possibility of running into raph. if i have plans with him, i'm fine, but if it's something like a party or a dance, i start chewing on hang nails or pencils or basically anything i can chew on that isn't poisonous.

especially during that two year period where we weren't talking. at all.

yeah, the nerves were definitely bad then.

it might just be because i can't even explain the relationship raph and i have to myself.

so.
raph got there.
i swear i was not watching the door for him to get there.

ANYWAYS. {i swear, rissa. stop distracting yourself.}

evvie got a hug, and then i was offered one, too. which surprised me because ever since homecoming i have even less of a clue of where we stand than i ever have before.

and we danced. all of us, that is. we actually let go and had fun and danced.

there are very few times when we are like that. and it's really nice when we are.

and then, as the night continues on, my people begin to leave. first theodore, who was claiming fatigue, and his brother, then evangeline and her sister.

which left me and raph. and a bunch of the guys i used to hang out with when i still went to that school. what can i say? i may have never been a tomboy, but i hung with the boys.

still do.

it was awkward for about two seconds, and then raph forced me to start dancing with them and a couple of girls who were vaguely familiar but apparently knew exactly who i was {weirded out? yes. cool with it after a while? yes.}

and then some drama happened. i'm not going to go into details, but long story short, people were dumbasses and some of us left the party for a little while.

here's the part that i told a couple of people {possibly including my english teacher.... *shifty eyes*} and made them laugh pretty hard.

so. raph and i were in the same car when we left the party for a bit, mainly because he has a car and is the only person i trust to drive.

of course, the one time i'm alone with a guy in a car.... we start listening to classic {aka sinatra, bing crosby, nat king cole...} christmas music and playing chess on his iphone. CHESS, for crying out loud.

but we also reminisced on ye golden olden days, without a word spoken of our fight.

i didn't think he remembered. but he does.

which has made me happy for the past, oh, forty eight or so hours. and daydreamy.

plus, he's making up for not coming to my birthday party by agreeing to go ice skating with me sometime over winter break. which will probably be an utter disaster, but it'll be fun all the same.

i'm a happy girl.

p.s. we're watching dead poet society in pre-AP english. I FINALLY GET TO SEE THIS MOVIE *squee!!!!*

p.p.s. i'm really glad he didn't come to my party right about now. a) can you say AWKWARDDDDD? and b) um, yeah. he did not need to meet he-who-shall-not-be-named. so he didn't. thank god.

caramel coffee = antidote to the world

2011-12-09T20:41:00.001-05:00

it has been a long fucking week. longer than usual.
i think i say that every week, but put an entire year into one week and that was this week.
but i'm finally sort of starting to feel like me again. thank god. i've felt like a zombie the past couple of weeks and have been sleeping as much as i possibly could without feeling any better at all. it sucked.
and then, last night, i stayed up until two or three {i have no idea when i passed out with my light on} and woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed with my alarm.
even though i fell asleep for a little while longer.
STILL. bright eyed and bushy tailed.
it felt good.
plus i have finally learned how to make just the right sized pot of coffee to fill up only my travel mug. and i have caramel coffee. it has been by saving grace &hearts

and now for your fill in the blank friday from lauren at the little things we do!

* love is a choice. something hard for me to believe in. amazing. heart-warming. heart-breaking. work. incredible. painful. something that happens only after there are no walls.

* being in love feels like ... i wouldn't know..... but it should feel like butterflies and heart flutters and frustration and contentness and, at the end of the day, it should be a warm, soft blanket to wrap yourself up in.

* my favorite quote about love is {this totally shows my book-worm-y-ness...} "I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was a drizzle and she was a hurricane." - John Green, Looking for Alaska
{i love john green sooo much (ms. bisig and i have this in common. all the more reason to love her.) and this definitely captures it. whatever it is.}

* the most important thing in a relationship is um. i don't think i'm really qualified in answering this question....
but, honestly, communication. definitely. it's a two-way street, though. you can't bitch about someone not talking after not talking. it doesn't work like that. it also needs to have an openess conveyed in so many ways. closed minds are closed hearts.

* a "deal breaker" for me in a relationship is not listening to what i have to say. my words may be far and few {well, verbal words...} but when i speak it's probably important. {also known as DEFINITELY important}

* the way i show love in my relationships is i'm very much a touchy person. i rub shoulders and necks when people seem stressed, trail fingers down arms in sympathy, squeeze hands and give tight hugs when nothing else will communicate my emotions. it just doesn't always translate, unfortunately.

* i love mi raphael angelo.

{images via weheartit}

he was the visual equivalent of a sunday morning

2011-12-04T19:56:00.001-05:00

my day in pictures.

happy sunday!

2011-12-03T14:34:00.001-05:00

saturdays are for...
being lazy and sleeping in until 1 or 2.
wearing comfy clothes.
drinking as much hot tea and coffee as i want {because at school it always turns into what my grandpa called "computer coffee" [i get my tech-y habits from him - he always got distracted on the computer! and drank coffee all day....]}.
looking at my grandpa and grandma's old picture album{s}.
taking pictures.
doing homework when i have it and being grateful when i don't.
reading books.
writing books and stories and poems and blog posts.
talking to best friends.
fuzzy socks.
daydreaming about chapel hill {a part of me wants that chapter to hurry up and get here... the other is saying slow the eff down!!!!!}
time with mom.
playing with my hair.
pampering myself.
catching up on the blogs i like to read {all of which are in the side bar, but rockstar diaries and the little things we do are my favorites right now ♥} and fawning over the pretty things.
cleaning and laundry.
getting rid of things i don't need.
playing with khamir.
daydreaming in general.

a week from today, i will be getting ready to dance around and be silly with my four best friends. hopefully it'll live up to all that i want it to be {aka fun}. because right about now i need some fun, especially with exams coming up and me catching senioritis a semester early.

happy saturday!

fridayfridayfriday

2011-12-02T22:21:00.001-05:00

considering i passed out after i got home from the hours of 5pm to around 9:30pm, this isn't going to be a long post.
today has been a really odd day and i'm still not quite sure to make of it. and taking a nap actually made me feel horrible, because, for one thing, i still haven't done my 750words today and this and... ugh. so i have a major headache.

anyways, here's your fill-in-the-blank friday from lauren at the little things we do.

*the holiday season is something that i both love and dread. it gives me an excuse to bundle up and be cozy, and it also coincides with the beginning of school musical season, and nobody looks at me weird if i drink gallons of hot tea. plus i use it as an excuse to be antisocial and read and write a bunch ;)

*snow makes me um. well. i love it but at the same time, i want every friday in may off. it's beautiful, for sure, and makes for amazing pictures {if i can actually get my ass out there in the cold, which is not something i'm fond of}. it's going to scare the hell out of me when i start to drive in it, and after a while it does annoy me. but at the same time it's sort of romantic...

*the best comfort food to eat when it's cold out is {are} cookies. and hot chocolate with tons of whipped cream. basically anything that's sweet and warm.

*winter is the best time for spending time with family, going ice skating, reading a bunch of books, writing a lot, being cozy and lazy.

*i can hardly wait for a friend's birthday party next weekend. it's going to be a blast and, while it's not anyone from my group of best friends' party, we're all going. and i need the opportunity to spend time with my boys. {and evvie, too, of course. psh.}

*when it comes to holiday gifts i prefer to give and receive. i really like seeing if someone has gotten me something i'll love without having to tell them what i want {my sister ami is notorious for doing this. actually, all of my sisters are pretty damn good at that, and so is my mom. and occasionally judy, too. must be a female thing} and i like doing the same for someone else. it's a sure sign that you really know someone, even if it's just an album or a mix cd.

*if i were to rate my excitement about the holiday season on a scale from 1-10, i would say i am about a 7.25. i'm not as big on holidays as i used to be when i had gramps to celebrate them with, too, but i still love them. even if my dad is a grinch and neither family really does much for holidays, aside from a huge christmas party with my stepfamily. anytime i get off school is welcome, though.

I can not refuse your eyes,
Please don't look at me tonight.
My heart beats fast I know you're there,
And I pretend like I don't care.
It hurts so bad to know the truth,
But I am still in love with you.
-Maroon 5

happy december!

my life in pictures by people who don't know me

2011-11-27T22:25:00.001-05:00

c'est la vie.
(all images via weheartit)

oh, juliet...

2011-11-25T21:23:00.001-05:00

today has been beautiful, wonderful - and absolutely horrible, too. my father has been an inconsolable jerk all day and miscommunications have abounded.

and now, i'm watching letters to juliet and i'm ready to do my fill in the blank friday from lauren at the little things we do and the house is quiet and almost everything is right in my world.

* waking up at the break of dawn to go shopping is my idea of pure torture. i am not a fan of waking up at dawn ever, and i'm not a big fan of crowds, either. though i am a cheapskate.

* if i were to go shopping today i would be on the hunt for cute clothes and shoes, as always. i might be an addict. maybe.

* the best thing i ate yesterday was probably the hot chocolate i made for my stepsister and i. it.was.amazing.

* something i've been learning lately is that not everyone always likes the truth and it next to never matters what other people think about you. i work to tell the truth, even if someone isn't going to like it, and i've gotten to the point where if you don't like me, you can just leave me the hell alone because i don't really care. and i feel like that's a healthy place to be.

* i cannot start my day without putting mascara on and drinking my tea. in that order.

* my nighttime attire consists of well... it varies. basically, tank top and pants or shorts.

* i am looking forward to getting new clothes. starting oliver. starting over. writing my letter to juliet.

i am mildy in love with most things shakespeare, especially romeo and juliet. it's my favorite. the part of me that's still a hopeless romantic and believes in that stuff believes in romeo and juliet more than anything else in this world.

which is why i'm writing a letter to juliet.

(picture via weheartit)

happy thanksgiving

2011-11-24T13:53:00.001-05:00

i can't help myself. even if i do do a gratitude list every day, i really love thanksgiving (who am i and what have i done with myself? a few years ago those words never would have left my fingers!)

my real issue with this holiday is that it really makes me miss grandpa. i just immediately associate thanksgiving (and christmas) with him.

anyways, this year i'm thankful for...
* my family, whether they're related by blood, marriage, heart, or theatre.
* all of my online friends. sometimes they're more supportive than people in the real world.
* beginnings and endings.
*my mom.
*my writing and my books. they always provide an escape route when i need one.
*good food.
*the clothes on my back - especially when they're cute :P
*my home.
*my life.

happy thanksgiving!!!

pillow forts and 750words

2011-11-21T20:45:00.001-05:00

unfortunately, i didn't build a pillow fort today. and i haven't in years. mostly because my room hasn't been truly clean in - wait for it...- years. yeah. i know it's bad, but... whatever. i want to build one, though.
ANYWAYS....

i've been playing around on 750words.com for the past couple of days. i love the concept - you just writewritewrite seven hundred and fifty words. it doesn't have to be coherent or have a plot or anything like that. it can be about whatever you want it to be about. it's a good way to get ideas flowing and/or rant and just let everything pour out of your system. or, at least, that's what i've used it for so far.
and it's really not that hard.
i mean, the "stats" thing says that the average world time it takes for people to write their 750 words is around an hour, but i can get mine in about 15-20 minutes - mostly because i'm sitting there typing wildfire the entire time (not literally typing wildfire, fyi. just typing at a minimum of 55wpm.)
the type of routine there is to it makes it really easy for me, too. well, i don't want to say easy... but you can see the days x'd off on the top of the screen and it feels good.

that was yesterday's stats. i was.... really pissed off when i wrote it. and totally random because i was typing about absolutely anything that popped into my head. which unfortunately includes he-who-shall-not-be-named. actually, i went off on him without actually going off on him via that entry (all entries are private unless you post them somewhere... which i did... just not here.). and i unfriended him (and a bunch of other people who i secretly hated) on facebook. it felt good.
but that ranting felt better.
and my emotions are obviously portrayed in the above pie charts.

this is from today's.

so is this.

and so is this (all of them are screen shots :P)
i think i'll always end up with introvert and uncertain and thinking, but hey! i changed from negative to positive! go me!
today's felt really good to write, too. and it's actually safe to post here ;)

Where are you? You wonderful boy you. Are you right in front of me or in Ireland or Italy or Brazil or New York or Canada just waiting for me to find you?

Will you build forts with me? Will you snuggle with me and close your eyes with me and just LISTEN to music with me? Do you like cats and dogs and llamas and other fluffy things? Will you tell me I look pretty or that I smell good or I feel soft or that my kisses taste sweet? Will you like my cooking? Will you like my perfume? Will you read my words and smile, or read my words and hold me close and tell me you understand, tell me that you will always and always and always be there for me? Will you make me coffee just the way I like it? Will you teach me how for when you're not there, or when you can't get out of bed to make it? I hope that's not often, but a girl should know that sort of thing.

Will you rub the arch of my foot absentmindedly as we sit on a porch swing or in the grass somewhere and read together with my feet in your lap? Will you laugh at my reading glasses perched at the end of my nose? Will you support me in anything and everything I want to do? I'll support you. No matter what.

Will you play with my hair and hold me close and play with my fingers one by one by one? My toes?

Will you watch me with curious eyes when I write or type up a storm? Will you stay in with me on Friday nights and Sunday mornings and just cuddle with me? Kiss my forehead and my nose and my cheek and my lips? Will you think my love for elephants and giraffes and zebras and bears is endearing? Will you think it's lovely, or adorable, or passionate?

Will you hold me when I cry? I do that sometimes. Sometimes you just need to...............................

Will you tell me I'm pretty even when I feel like shit and lend me your shirts? I know you'll smell good. I know you'll have eyes that I could dive into and never come back out. Why would I want to? I know you're lovely. Will you know me, even if your eyes are closed? Will you make me believe in love again? Will you listen to me sing along to my favorite songs a little bit off key, but not really intentionally? Will you sing them along with me?

Will you share my love for words and foods and pretty places and pretty things? Will you give me space when I need it? I'll give you the same respect in return.
I dream of you, you know.

I know I'm not going to get to have you while I'm still in high school. Just... No. That's already been made clear to me. Boys here are boys, and unless you magically appear from the sky... You're not going to get here that soon. But you'll be in my life. I know it. Will it be in college? Grad school? Will I meet you when I'm in some distant, far away place that I'll hardly be able to believe is the same planet as where I'm from, coerce you to come home with me? Will I meet you when I begin to work? Will I meet you at a random coffee shop someday, when we both reach for the same cup?
Will you be smooth, or will you stumble? There will be confidence there, I'm ever so sure. Just maybe not at first. Guys tend to not like girls with higher confidence than them, so I know you'll have confidence.

Sometimes I'm not confident. Sometimes I falter and I cry and I feel miserable about myself. Once upon a time, I wanted to kill myself? Did you know that? Of course you would find out, at some point. That's something too important to hide from someone like you.

Will you teach me how to love? And how to talk? I've never really learned. Not more than a love for my mother or family or for the people I consider my sisters and brothers. Not more than that. I've screwed up and said the words, which was being cruel to the boys I said the words to, and I'm sorry for that. Those sacred words should have never flown from my mouth with them. I've always had walls up. I've always stopped talking at the wrong time and they take it personally and think I want a meaninglessly physical relationship. I assure you, I don't. I just don't know HOW. My heart hasn't been able to teach me. This is high school, right now. Everything happens in double time and my mouth and heart and brain and soul all lag, never developing anything more than care or like or, occasionally, lust.

Change that.

Love, Rissa.

so, would you do something like 750words? do you do 750words?
happy monday!

pay me in elephants and gratitude.

2011-11-19T22:26:00.001-05:00

i am taking another break from the joys of textual analysis. i need to do something more creative to keep my brain from turning into mush from overuse :P

but, before the title confuses you too much, dear readers...

i drew an elephant in my gratitude journal. ta-da! and i've been meaning to post about my gratitude journal for like the past week. ooops.

isn't she cute? she's my elephant necklace, Walter's, wife!

anyways, i was proud of myself. but drawing her led me to drawing a giraffe, and then drawing a visual representation for every "i am grateful" statement in my journal. luckily, i haven't been using this one for long, otherwise that could have been an hours long affair.

"He was the visual equivalent of a Sunday morning..." - The Nature of Jade, by Deb Caletti

my elephant, my giraffe, and another Nature of Jade quote: "If is a beautiful word. If is the key to any locked door."

more recent entries, along with the doodles from today :3

THAT is my latest gratitude journal. i got it from my mom (who got it from our friends who i still need to make that baby blanket for... oops!) for my birthday, and have been writing at least five things i'm grateful for every day since.

i've had a gratitude journal off and on ever since i learned how to write. but i somehow manage to never keep one when i really need to - where i'm going through patches where i'm morbid and going through self-imposed solitary confinement and i'm brooding and refusing to communicate.

which is probably why i started this one when i did.

i knew as soon as i opened that present what this notebook would be. it has a picture of one of my favorite places in the world on my favorite day to be there - the winter solstice. and i always feel so much better and so -haha- grateful after i've been there. so it only makes sense that it would become my gratitude journal.

some days i will sit down with a cup of tea and some soft music and take my time, coming up with some deep things that i'm grateful for. that happens a lot when i've had a bad day and i actually have to think to come up with something to be grateful for. how sad is that? actually having to THINK to write something down that i'm grateful for. it should take me, like, thirty seconds to write fifteen things.

and sometimes it does. on the days where i'm happy-go-lucky and feeling good about life but want to go to bed as soon as i can, i can write five things i'm grateful for that day in the blink of an eye. sometimes they're petty, like "i'm grateful for caffeine" {well i AM!} and sometimes they're the deepest thought i have ever had. either way. little things like caffeine or someone calling me pretty or a friend reacting to something i tell them the way i want to can make my day, so why not write them down?

HappyRissa equation: coffee/tea=writing. writing=love. love=happyrissa. therefore, coffee/tea=happyrissa :P

please ignore the horrible manicure. i plan on fixing that asap.

one of my favorite books. i love jade. i love bo. i love the elephants. ILOVESEBASTIAN.

cartoon depiction of what kenzie told me she'd do if she wanted me to. aka kenzie kicking he-who-will-not-be-named's butt.

and some days, some days i'm so filled with gratitude and want to spill my heart out that i write ten, fifteen, twenty things down. those days are my favorite. those days mean i'm happy, not just content.

i always, always write it at the end of the day, though. it might not be right before i go to bed, but it's always the latest i can do it without forgetting it. you have to let the day happen to be grateful for the day you had. and i always write in ink. part of that is because i have a very strong dislike for pencil (i refuse to use traditional pencils. ever. REFUSE. only pencil you'll get me to use is eyeliner or mechanical.) and because the things you're grateful for don't get erased in real life, so why should they even have the possibility of being erased in a notebook? (that also applies to all of my writing. my god, i hate pencil SO MUCH!!!)

anyways, i'm thinking about challenging myself this week, starting with tonight. i'm going to go CRAZY with taking pictures every day, especially of things i'm thankful for. but just pictures in general, too. i need to get into the swing of taking the camera i share with mom with me more places, anyways. that way i get more than just pictures of myself and my woods.

and then i might be able to get my dad to get me a camera.

happy weekend! what are you thankful for?

felice venerdi

2011-11-18T19:27:00.000-05:00

it has been a long week.
even with taking monday off (i.felt.like.hell.) i'm still exhausted and have been catching up on sleep (the woes of being a theatre nerd basically = sleep deprivation) all damn week. add in that we started a full lab in chemistry today and i have a paper due on monday on Their Eyes Were Watching God in pre-ap english and i had to quit nanowrimo yet again and i've not been the most pleasant person.

plus there are a couple of people i would LOVE to allow myself to lose my temper on and have wanted to all week but i can't. siiigh.

i have come to the conclusion that most boys are assholes.

anyways, i'm hoping for a happier weekend... i'm going to write this entire paper (i have good ideas for it, i'm just writing this to destress before i start) by sunday so kenzie and i can proofread each others' papers before they're due in second period on monday and i'm going to do laundry and possibly do my nails. maybe even tidy up the chaos that my bedroom is in to help tidy up the chaos that is my mind. even if it means i can't go to my volunteering meeting tomorrow (*sob*).

and now for your weekly fill-in-the-blanks from lauren at the little things we do...

* a nervous habit i have is biting things. writing utensils, my knuckles, the sleeve of my shirt... nothing really disgusting. for the most part it's my knuckles. i also tend to really over apply chapstick when i get anxious.

* something that makes me sad is ignorance and abuse and how petty and materialistic people are becoming with every generation.

* today i am thankful for a weekend and then a two-day school week and then another longer weekend. my cat. my mom. my best friends. cute guy friends who smell good and tell me i'm pretty when i haven't been having a good week, let alone a good day.

* my favorite room in my house is either my momma's bedroom (that's basically our family's living space :P), our kitchen, the loft area that's almost always the toastiest room in the house and has all of our books (where do you think i am right now? :P), or my bedroom when it's not a horribly chaotic mess.

* i can't stand homophobes. people who put up walls and refuse to listen but then complain that you never talk. people who stereotype me because of the way they think i act and the way i dress. PeoPlE wHo TyPe lyKE ThiS in a piece of writing on a writing community. people who can't accept that there are other ways to do things other than their own.

* if i had an extra $100 to spend on whatever i wanted today i would quickly rebuild my closet. i have too many clothes. i want to get rid of almost all of them and get it down to where, while i might have to do laundry once every week and a half (*gasp!*)(i have enough clothes to last much longer than that right now....) i feel like it would be worth it. too many material things. i want a couple of really cute, really comfy dresses for each season :P

* the last person i hung out with was my momma. we watched BONES together. preggo bones = weepy rissa. since when is brennan actually smiley and reachable and ioqhrwetjrgbkdfn?!?!?!?!?!?!!! it makes me all snuffly.

now, off to write that stupid paper.

happy friday!

2011-11-11T15:47:00.000-05:00

if you haven't already noticed, i've disappeared for a couple of weeks.

sorry about that.

nanowrimo and the show and my sweet sixteen and dramadramadrama. life of the teenage theatre nerd writer, i s'pose.

No Sweet Sixteen is complete without a cheap tiara from Walmart that gets broken by your ex.

Our show shirts are EPIC.

I might be a man in the play. Maybe.

and i'm behind on my nano. i was ahead for the first few days, and now... not so much.

anyways, tonight is the second performance of the comedy of errors. and aside from the fact that not a single one of our dress rehearsals went well (people missing because of band competitions, health issues, one girl had to step down from her role and another had two days to learn the other girls lines and still do her character, too...) we are kicking ass and taking names. and tonight is the cast party, which is always a blast.

so here are your fill-in-the-blanks from lauren at the little things we do :)

* my favorite new blog of the moment is love and photographs. i literally just found it today. i loooooooooove it <3

* something i am thankful for is my theatre family. i always forget how much i love theatre until opening night. we always come together and perform our hearts out, and they will always have your back. unlike many other high schoolers.

* something that made me laugh this week was the show, of course! turning a shakespeare play into a western is bound to be hilarious, and ours definitely is. especially my friend luke's part. he has so much fun playing with the audience and our director actually gave him a part where he was allowed to this time.

The aforementioned Luke. I love this guy to bits and pieces. Even if he did used to steal my colored pencils in third grade.

* an item that is currently on my wishlist is(are) these sweater dresses from target in almost every color available (there are a couple that i don't like). i would happily live in them for the rest of my life (or until they wear out and i have an excuse to buy new ones :P)

* i am excited about the cast party tonight and thanksgiving and being sixteen and being single again.

* if i were a color i would be varying shades of green. some days i'm emerald or kelly or lime, others i'm olive or forest. and john mayer's "another kind of green" just popped into my head, reinforcing the GREEEEN thing :P

John Mayer makes everything better. EVERYTHING.

* my favorite way to spend a chilly fall day is either by bundling up and taking pictures of the pretty leaves or by cuddling up with a cup of tea and a blanket and either a book or my writing.

happy weekend!

fill-in-the-blank friday

2011-10-28T21:12:00.001-04:00

it has been such a long week.
i.... yeah.
next week is going to be even worse. and it's just going to get worse until the comedy of errors is done and over with.
don't get me wrong, i love it. but i'm so freaking exhausted and there's so much to do and i want this birthday party less and lessandlessandless.

pre-ap english shall be the death of me, i swear.

and now for your {more cheerful, less grouchy} fill-in-the-blank friday from lauren at the little things we do.

1. when i was a kid i wanted to be an author when i grew up.

2. as an adult {well, a teenager} my dream job would be an author. yes, i'm sort of adamant about that :P (also, add in physical therapist and mother)

3. when i was younger i wanted to be just like my momma :)

4. the childhood halloween costume that i remember was when i was a fairy. i was constantly a fairy. just about every year.

5. my favorite childhood toy was coloring book plus crayons. every time. i was a coloring kind of girl. and i looooove stuff animals still to this day.

6. the time i got into the biggest amount of trouble when i was a kid was when ... um. i really don't know O.O probably when i first made a facebook...

7. i get daily inspiration from my lovely friends, books, twitter, my boyfriend.

happy friday, i s'pose.

feliz fin de semana

2011-10-21T21:34:00.000-04:00

yes, i did just say "happy weekend" in spanish. because i have skills {and that's the extent of them}.

this week has been a looong and treacherous journey. i think monday was the only truly good day i had and that was because i got to show off my new dress. it all went downhill from there, including but not limited to missing rehearsal {and the optional stage combat rehearsal that I REALLY WANTED TO GO TO}, missing school on wednesday {which is why i missed the stage combat rehearsal}, running a fever since tuesday, already beginning to feel the effects of what next tuesday marks...

in case you didn't know, next tuesday is the two year anniversary of my grandpa's death, and i was really close to my grandpa. he had been diagnosed with lung cancer about 10 months before he passed away of natural causes. in order to spend as much time as i could with him while he actually had energy {which means around 12-2:30 in the afternoon}, i went into a virtual academy for my freshman year of high school.
it was really, really hard on me. it still is. i think about him all of the time, and each day ever since has been harder than the day before.

ANYWAYS, on a lighter note, it's fall. it's beautiful outside, even if it is freaking FREEZING. i slept almost all day on wednesday {and so did a certain le boyf :P} and then had a pan-am marathon {and napped occasionally through the bits and pieces i've already seen}.

and now, this weekend is going to be a CLEAN ALL THE THINGS and get rid of stuffs weekend. and then rehearsal on sunday. and repeat.

i'm going to need lots and lots of this

here's your fall themed fill-in-the-blank friday from lauren at the little things we do

1. nothing says fall like hot chocolate/hot tea, baked goods, and soft warm things like scarves and sweaters and hugs.

2. my favorite autumnal tradition is homecoming at greeneview. 99.99999% of the time, the greeneview homecoming is better than my school's. it might just be the people, though (considering the pictures and dinner are always the best part. ALWAYS.)

evangeline, gabe, and i before the greeneview homecoming :)

3. my favorite fall treat is candy corn. i've been known to eat a value size bag of brach's candy corn in a week {mainly because i sneak it in my school bag and sit there and eat it all day}

4. fall makes me think of family and friends because it seems to be when all of mine come together {and/or fall apart, but that's a moot point}. something about the cozier weather and falling leaves just brings people together :)

5. autumn free form word association, go! car trips, pretty colors, saltwater breezes, sweaters, boots, warmth, cozy, love.

6. my go-to outfit in the fall is black/brown/grey 3/4 length sleeve shirt with a pretty scarf, bright flats, and jeans. OR a summer dress with a sweater {and probably flats}

7. my favorite fall holiday is (Halloween or Thanksgiving) they both involve food so i don't really have a preference :P
actually, it just sort of changes year to year. i will still trick-or-treat {if you have an issue with the fact that i'm almost sixteen and still trick-or-treat, go eat some health food!} IF i'm not busy. this year i have rehearsal during trick-or-treat time. pretty sure wallingford did that on purpose. but i also really love thanksgiving, it just really reminds me of grandpa....

happy weekend!

why being obsessive sucks

2011-10-18T21:55:00.000-04:00

it's around 9:30 on a tuesday night, and what i should be doing and what i'm actually doing are two entirely different things

i should be getting home from rehearsal, eating dinner, finishing my essay on patrick henry's "give me liberty or give me death" speech for pre-ap english class tomorrow morning, talking to my boyfriend, showering, and then going to bed. maybe even looking over my chem lab procedure again so i don't totally screw up tomorrow.

what am i actually doing?

well, i'm definitely not getting home from practice. i have been in my house since i got home from school today - that's right, i was unaware that i even HAD rehearsal for the comedy of errors tonight. neither did mom. le boyf didn't say "hey! you're supposed to be at practice tonight, too!", unfortunately, and my ever-so-lovely (ha, ha.... NOT. i have an extreme distaste for her) stage manager called me RIGHT WHEN REHEARSAL STARTED. it's, like, a 20 minute drive to the school when there isn't a fall monsoon going on, and she knows that if i'm not there early, something's up. but no. she decides to call at 7:15.
and mom couldn't drive. she wasn't having the best reaction to meds, and i'm not about to let her drive IN A MONSOON {not really a monsoon. monsoon is just my word of choice because rain was coming down in thick sheets for a good half hour earlier} under the negative influence of her meds. and i of course hardly have any street driving under my belt and i am not about to start when it's pouring down rain.

so i'm at home. anyone in the theatre department who has an issue with that can leave me alone because if they give me crap about it tomorrow i will more than likely go off. because i already threw a temper tantrum {because i was so mad AT MYSELF} {and sent the boyfriend a short mean yell-y text, which i apologized for when i was sane again}.

and, since i've been so on edge and pissy and stressed tonight, i've been sitting here reading the modern love column on the new york times website and ranting to my big. my essay, for the most part, is done and can be finished and touched up in the morning, and i'm taking a steaming hot shower as soon as i finish this post.

i really can't stand real people lately. no one other than dalton and mom and my interwebz friends like my emu soulmate and my big. the rest of them i either want to punch in the face or insult them or scream at them or all of the above. especially the ones who get pissy when i originally ask nicely to back off and leave me alone and retaliate when they don't.

"take me away to january
i'm done with this year
i'm tired of everyone here
i'm sick of this midwestern town
can't let this place get me down..."
- a chase coy lyric that seems rather appropriate right about now..........

hopefully your week is going better than mine =)

fridayfridayfriday

2011-10-14T18:58:00.000-04:00

happy friday!

i'm so happy. my boyfriend was superlovey today and there was early dismissal and the juniors got a cookout because we had the highest attendance rate over the past two weeks (how that happened, i have no idea, considering the people in my grade. we have a skipping issue. we got senioritis in eighth grade.)

plus i just felt pretty today. you know those days where you could just throw on any outfit and pull your hair back and still feel pretty? i had one of those days. only i didn't just throw an outfit on (i'm working on being able to do that and becoming less obsessive in my omgmustlookperfect way).

oh, and i have all a's this quarter. hopefully it'll stay like that all year :D

without further adieu, here's your weekly fill-in-the-blank friday from lauren at the little things we do.

1. the most selfless thing i've ever done is ummm. um. umm.... i'm not sure i've actually done anything that i myself would qualify as "selfless." unselfish, maybe, but not SELFLESS. wait, no. most selfless thing i've ever done was take care of le ex('s mental health) when he was going through all of his stomach issues earlier this year and was completely emotionally toxic.

2. when it comes to working out.... um, what's this working out that you speak of? i play wii fit at least once a week, if that's what you mean :P

3. a woman should always dress in a way that makes her feel like the best version of herself...even if it's just in jeans and an old t-shirt. Always dress in a way that makes you feel pretty and confident! (i agree with lauren wholly and completely, so i just copied her answer :P )

4. i wish i could gain the skill and willpower to actually finish one of my novels and then i'd work on getting published.

5. a best friend is someone who is still the person closest to you after two years of absolutely no talking, coming after months of fighting. i have one of those :)

6. i can't get enough of honey lemon ginseng green tea.

7. this weekend i am relaxing and writing some chemistry notes and brainstorming for a certain november event (fondly referred to as nano)

happy friday! =)

why i love My Girlfriend's Boyfriend

2011-10-11T21:00:00.002-04:00

when people ask me what my favorite movie is, i can reply instantly (and get a few odd looks from eavesdroppers):

My Girlfriend's Boyfriend.

it has alyssa milano and christopher gorham. it has a witty, beautiful, quirky female lead, and a sensitive but strong male lead - WHO IS A WRITER.

i can't say much without spoiling the ending of the movie (uh... yeah. at some point it's confusing and then you're like OH! how did i not catch that?!) but it's a wonderful movie. with an amazing plot. i'm betting many would qualify it as a chick flick (i might have cried my eyes out the first time i watched it. i mean, i downright sobbed) but it really isn't. there's more to it, and actually fairly realistic (to me).

so here's a list for why My Girlfriend's Boyfriend is my favorite movie of all time (and why you should watch it):

1. christopher gorham and michael landes play the male leads, ethan and troy. who are both brilliant, sweet writers (but ethan is a down on his luck novel writer and troy is a very lucky ad writer).
2. jesse (played by alyssa milano) is a totally lovely and so relatable girl who is a tad bit unlucky in love. she's vulnerable and strong.
3. the movie isn't a typical romantic comedy. it's not laced with racy sex (it's actually rated PG) and is simply really sweet. not unbearably so, but heartwarming.

4. the date scene at the baseball field. enough said.

5. downright AMAZING soundtrack. lovelovelove.
6. the twist at the end (which i refuse to give away).

so you should watch it. so amazing.

fill-in-the-blank friday

2011-10-07T22:10:00.003-04:00

i actually had to motivate myself to do this post today. i feel like blogging, i'm just having trouble coming up with the words.

going to evvie and gabe's homecoming tomorrow (unless ev corrects me, i believe that we're all each other's dates), which should be fun...

okay, i'll admit it. i'm nervous. i see raph once a year nowadays and the time in between i really miss him because we don't talk much (or, ahem, at all) anymore.

ANYWAYS. i get time with my sister, time with my twin brother :P, and time with my absolute favorite momma other than my own, gabe's mom. there should be some pretty epic pictures.

now, for your regularly scheduled programming from lauren at the little things we do...

1. something popular that i can't stand / just don't "get" is super flat, lacking any volume or movement of any sort, straightened hair. so many girls are killing their hair by using heat tools far too often, and when did flat hair become at all flattering? my director made me flat iron my hair for Thoroughly Modern Millie and i despised the way it looked and the time it wasted. (i also hate the way it looks after my sister cuts my hair and flat irons it. just say NO.)
i also really don't understand why teenagers feel like they have to be in a relationship constantly. seriously, people? figure out who the hell you are first before you go waxing poetic about how you're in love with this person one week and another the next.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants is a prime example of how it's SUPPOSED to be. Lena and Kostos may be screwed up, but they still get it right, unlike these hormonal idiots.

2. something i secretly love is dressing up. no, like legit dressing up. high heels, makeup, actually doing my hair. i don't care if i'm just lounging around the house the entire day (or doing chores). the first two i do more often. actually doing my hair (more than washing, conditioning, putting serum in, combing, and occasionally blow drying or putting it up) is something typically i save for things like homecoming. (oh, and i secretly love having my picture taken. if you can't tell.)

Like this. My hair isn't anywhere near that curly.

3. when i've had a bad day i rant to my mom or dalton, drink some tea, write it out, and/or look at cute pictures. and i almost take a nap.

4. i'd prefer cuddling on the couch watching instant netflix movies with my boyfriend to going out to movies or a party any day.

5. something that makes me nervous is tech week for the comedy of errors. i'm more of a musical theatre girl than a nonmusical theatre girl. i've barely had two rehearsals already and i'm already actually experiencing stage fright for the first time in my life about forgetting my lines.

"Me? Stage fright? I never!"

6. something worth fighting for is anything you really strongly believe in with all of your heart.

7. when people think of me, i hope they think that girl can hold her own.

happy friday!

a sunshine-y tuesday

2011-10-04T14:07:00.002-04:00

it's tuesday. it's sunshine-y. and it's almost warm {ohio weather has taken a turn for the really-freaking-cold-and-wet lately}

guess what i get to do!

...

if you guessed that i get to play cinderella sans fairy godmother yet again, you're right. i get to spend my time indoors doing chores and laundry and finishing up some english work.

i get to do this all week. oh joy.

i suppose it's worth it, since it means i get to go out with the ever-so-lovely evangeline and gabriel on saturday night, but i'd really like to spend some time outside getting some pictures.

well, i might be able to get some of that in.

but at least i don't have an english essay looming over my head anymore. i finished it last night and turned it in today and it's 2000000000000x better than my original paper. now i just have to read two books before monday. and go to play practice on sunday. and borrow haleigh's dress on thursday.

this is gonna be a long week.

....

oh, and now the website for my yearbook class isn't loading. which means i have more free time today. i guess i'm okay-ish with that....

a happy rainy cloudy friday

2011-09-30T14:25:00.001-04:00

happy friday!

it is super rainy, overcast, cold, and absolutely lovely here today (the fact that i find this lovely is all the more reason for me to move to seattle.)

i'm just glad it's FRIDAY, even though i have an english paper to revise (well........ completely rewrite......) and a mini lab report to write for chemistry. still. it's the weekend and it's a weekend i get to be at dad's, so i get to be lazy. and there's no comedy of errors rehearsal this weekend, so i don't have to deal with that travel mess.

oh, and i found that my favorite bookstore is having a "20% off everything you can fit in the tote!" sale this weekend. made. my. day.

and now for your fill-in-the-blank friday brought to you by lauren at the little things we do...

1. my current obsession is really really hot green tea. and the scripts's music.

2. weekends and friends and books and food and my honeybee make me happy.

3. my greatest strength is pushing myself to my breaking point and doing even better after i break down.

4. the fact that i have to reach my breaking point in order to get something done well is my greatest weakness.

5. my life is topsy-turvy and a total rollercoaster ride complete with loops and stomach clenching drops and heights that are super scary. but still completely amazing and makes for really good writing.

6. in high school i was (or, rather, AM) a theatre nerd, a photo junkie, the awkwardly social butterfly, and the one who procrastinates but always gets her homework done before that class period is even over.

7. when i'm super tired i'm either really nice and bubbly and babbly and social or a total witch with a capital B. or both. i also tend to be incoherent with no connection between my brain and my mouth. and being tired seems to make me hungry. but then again, i'm almost always hungry.........

happy friday!

tick tock tick tock

2011-09-27T21:32:00.001-04:00

as a junior, college is getting closer and closer.
guidance counselors start coming into my classes, various colleges start emailing/calling/sending me letters (because, even though i opted to NOT share my personal information with colleges on my ACT account when i signed up for the test last year, they gave out my personal information. thankssomuch, idiots.), and friends start going on college visits.

this is really stressing some of the other juniors out. PSAT! ACT! college visit! GPA! oh no!

but it's not really stressing ME out. at all.

for one thing, my ACT is out of the way, and i got a high enough score that it might not even be worth it to take it again in effort to get a higher score.
my gpa is roughly 3.7 (on a 4 point scale, not that weird 5 point honors scale) and i'm ranked 25 in the class (of like 300 people). if i keep a 4.0 this year, that should bump it up some.
the PSAT should be a piece of cake and i will hopefully score high enough to win me some good scholarships. from what i've read and heard, it will be so much less torture than the ACT was (and that was just because it was early and i didn't get enough sleep the night before).

another thing is i know what i want to be. i want to be a physical therapist. easy answer. (well, i also want to be a writer. but i don't need a degree for that.)

but i haven't gone on any college visits. at all. mostly because almost all of the colleges i want to go to are out of state. north carolina, tennessee, washington state... and i still don't know which one of those is my top choice.

more recently, i've been leaning towards north carolina. sunny, warm, close to beaches, closer to home than washington... it's just sort of drawing me to it.
but washington, oh washington. i want to live in seattle oh so badly. it's SEATTLE. i love rainy weather. i love semi-coldness. i love the idea of being in a city like that and being close to my canadians and it's SEATTLE. and it's far far far far away from this stupid, stupid town.

i'm torn.

fill-in-the-blank friday

2011-09-23T11:11:00.001-04:00

i've missed these things. and, in an effort to get back into this whole blogging thing... here's a fill-in-the-blank friday brought to you by lauren at the little things we do.

1. The best thing I did all week was prep for homecoming, homecoming, HOMECOMING, and bond with kenzie. and hug my boyfriend. and actually READ and finish one of my english books before the deadline.

2. rainy days filled with coffee and books and cuddles make me super happy.

3. Pets are completely freakin' adorable and good listeners. my cat may be fat and mean and homicidal, but i still love her to death <3

4. my friends {which include my mom and my boyfriend :P} are the best thing about my life.

5. With the cooler weather I am looking forward to cuddly clothes. and boots. and excuses to have long lazy days. and the leaves changing to pretty colors.

6. Something that's on my "wish list" right now is a pretty ring {i for sure lost one of mine, and seem to have misplaced the other one} or a locket. but i always want a locket.

7. This weekend I am going to dance my heart out, have lots of fun, and have fun at play practice.

happy friday!

sometimes you just need girl time

2011-09-21T20:04:00.002-04:00

it's sometimes. as a female, sometimes you just need girl time.

and this is coming from a girl who doesn't tend to socialize with other girls that much. think jess from new girl - still really feminine, just gets along with guys better. (as friends, guys don't tend to judge on appearance, give good advice, and are always willing to beat someone up for you. ALWAYS.) (mine are, at least.)

seeing as my twin and total bestie live in a different town than me, i don't get to have my girl time very often with her. maybe a few times a year. because my young butt can't chauffer herself around {yet} and evvie's parents don't exactly let her drive very many places.

i used to have a lot of reallyreallyclose gal pals, but such is not the case anymore. mainly because girls get mean as they hit tweenagedom and then teenagerdom. we get catty and some of us fight the social ranks whereas the rest of us are happy to stay where we are and being a teenage girl is DIFFICULT, okay?

i haven't had a real female best friend other than evvie since fifth grade. and the friendships that you see in all of these books - over at each other's houses all of the time, hanging out everyday after school and every weekend - they just don't happen around here. we tend to be so spread out that it just doesn't work.

plus i just tend to prefer to be alone. i'm an only child, and that is a result of it.

but sometimes you get girl time, say, in your yearbook production class where you're about to cry and one of your closest friends who you've known since second grade but never really got close to until the second semester of your sophomore year reaches out and hugs you and refuses to let go until you tell her what's wrong.

that "you" in the above scenario was me today. the "her"? that's my friend mackenzie.

i'm used to being the "momma" of my groups of friends - it's just my nature. i can't help myself. if somebody needs me, i'm going to be there to help in some way, shape, or form. even though i'm typically the youngest of said groups of friends.

i'm strong for other people. mackenzie lets me be weak. i need that sometimes.

kinz is this ferocious biracial lioness MMA freaking NINJA goddess and quite possibly one of the most lovely people i have ever met. she is the protagonist from a well-written book come to life. there are very few people i know of who are as genuine as she and her brother ben are.

she's beyond her years. we bonded in english class last year {we have a mutual love for that teacher - otherwise we would never be taking AP english with her next year with all of the hell that entails} and we're bonding in another english class this year, as well as our yearbook class. i sit next to her baby brother at lunch, and her boyfriend in my economics class. we chat about books and pictures and cameras and bones {the show... not actual bones} and i swat at her curls every time i see her and fold into her vanilla-and-brown-sugar hugs when i need a friend.

thank you for being there, mackenzie.

things that make me happy

2011-08-22T21:24:00.001-04:00

hi there, and happy monday.
contradiction of terms, i know, but still.

so, to make the fact that it's MONDAY, of all of the days in the week, better, a list of things that make me very happy {in no particular order}:

1. chocolate milk

i don't know why i've been liking chocolate milk so much lately. but it makes me feel like a little kid, so i'll roll with it :D

2. books {and 3. fluffy things}

i love books. a lot. being an only child, reading and writing were my company for many years. right now, i'm reading the hunger games {for me} and the scarlet letter {for school}. oh and my cat was {is} also company who is currently playing dead next to the pool table. the odd creatures in this family, i swear *shakes head*

4. sweets

my sweet tooth is practically legendary around my family and friends {as is my appetite - i may look skinny but i can eat a LOT}. cupcakes, muffins, cookies, candy, ice cream.... it all makes me happy.

5. pink

i don't know what's with me lately. i am typically ANTI pink and love things that are red and black and all of that jazz. but... i really like pink lately. it makes me smiley.

6. dresses

i really don't. i don't like pants.

but i do like dresses.
oh, and to all of those people who ask why i'm "all dressed up" while i'm wearing a dress..... dress = one, comfy item. i throw on a dress and shoes and i go. sweats = a lot more work. and less cute. so :P

7. music {specifically, my ipod}

music has always been my saving grace. especially with the troubles i have with talking {i stumble, i stutter, i babble awkwardly and confuse people by forgetting important words}, what's engraved on my itouch i got for christmas in 2009 is really true - when words fail, music speaks. so, music makes me really happy. which is why i have a little bit of everything on my ipod.
oh, and the fact that i can type a chapter {yes, i really have done this. i've typed 10 thousand or so words on my ipod, methinks.}/type a blog post/post a tweet/research something on it makes me love it all the more.

7. random spastic dance parties {with anyone}

these happen a lot at my house. and at school. and basically anywhere. but if i hear a song i like on the radio {or on my ipod} damn straight i'm going to start dancing if i feel like it. and i will more than likely make whoever's around {including my cat} dance with me. the cat doesn't tend to appreciate my dancing.
{yes, this does include spinning me out into the middle of the street. you know who you are.}

8. computers.

most days, if not all, just spending a little time on the computer will make me a happier person. whoever had the idea to put cute cats and funny captions together...... thank you.

9. silk.

there are few things i love more than stuff that's soft to touch {hence the reason my cat hates me - she hates all forms of affection asides from food.} which means i really love silk. which is why my silk robe makes me really really happy after a long monday.

10. le boyf

of course my boyfriend makes me happy. he's one of my favorite people in the world. his hugs, the way he smells, the sound of his voice... yeah, they all make me happy. veddy veddy happy :)

apparently i'm very pretty today.

{all images via weheartit. no copyright infringement intended.}

a week in review

2011-08-21T11:50:00.000-04:00

so, my first week of junior year is {finally} over.
it was a long week, to say the least.

i'm the theatre teacher's student aid first period {because there was NO WAY i was sticking in study hall. uh uh. nope. not happenin'.}

my Pre-AP English class is going to be sooooo intense, but the people in there are AMAZING. we already have a list of about 8 major assignments for the quarter... meaning at least one a week, some weeks more, as well as in-class work and homework.

i'm still completely dreading my spanish iii class. i only like one of the school's spanish teachers, and i don't have him this year. my spanish teacher i do not like in the least.

chemistry..... between the teacher {once upon a time, he almost blew The Boy up on a daily basis, no joke} and the people {zoe. krista. cam. aleksei.} this is going to be a dangerous {but still completely HIIIIIILARIOUS} class.

trig is of course my longest class and going to be all....meh -_-

but then i have my lunch buddeh, ben. he is the only okay freshman. i love that kid. he was also our unofficial guard guy :D

econ it'll be a miracle if i don't fall asleep every day. but it'll be an easy a because i'm excellent at doing outlines.

and then.... *drumroll* YEARBOOK PREP!

yearbook prep has to be the best elective ever, but that is a well-kept secret. we get to LEAVE CAMPUS. to sell ads, run errands, etc. and we have no exam.

in yearbook, there are probably around ten people in the entire class, three of which are juniors. we have to group up to sell ads (some of us can't drive, etc.). we were going to have an all junior group because maggie can drive. but she can only have one other person in the car with her. so i got grouped with a couple of senior girls.

this is going to be so amazing.

the first day that we went out to sell ads, we only went out to sell two, because they were close to each other and we have three weeks to sell, like, eleven ads. we sold them both. and we had fifteen minutes to kill, so we stopped at burger king.

because mrs. price just doesn't really care, as long as we do still sell ads.

cassie was treating kristen and i, but i refused to get anything. i need to start saving money because it basically sounds like, in order to not "owe" anybody, we're going to end up going different places and "treating" each other to something or other.

oh, and i get to see le boyf. which makes me so, so extremely happy <3

this is going to be my best year yet.

oh, the wonderful things you find on the interwebz (no, really)

2011-08-18T21:08:00.003-04:00

i find things when i play online. and since i really liked this.... here ya go, lovely readers.

"Dear Future Boyfriend,

I hope you will be my special someone.
Someone who will be cute with me.
Someone who will lay in bed with me all day.
Someone that doesn’t mind kissing a lot.
Someone who likes to watch movies.
Someone who likes to go out.
Someone that likes going to park and getting on the swings.
Someone who will hold my hand whenever we go somewhere.
Someone who isn’t afraid to be downright goofy.
Someone who likes to have pillow fights, tickle fights and paint fights.
Someone who won’t judge me from my past mistakes.
Someone who isn’t afraid to be with me.
Someone who isn’t afraid to love me, for me.

Love,
Me."

Pretty sure that's my current boyfriend <3

my father's daughter

2011-08-17T19:36:00.001-04:00

if there is one thing that i inherited from my father, other than the thick hair and my "character building" nose, it's my temper.

{warning - this post is going to contain foul language. i'm sorry, but it does.}

the absolute fucking LAST thing i would ever want to inherit from him. my dad's temper is horrible. dealing with my dad's temper has made mine even worse. i despise my temper. i hate it with a burning passion.

i have friends who joke that i must be italian, because i have the temper of a woman from naples. it takes little to get me to start talking smack, and a little more to where it's hard to stop my reflex to hit/kick/scratch/bite someone. i've also had a (guy) friend joke that violence is my way of showing affection.

i really wish that wasn't true. it really is one of my ways of showing affection, unfortunately.

my old softball coach used to purposefully piss me off to get me to play harder. my director pissed me off to get me to act harder, sing louder. and it pissed me off even more because i knew what they were doing and that they were using my weakness, and pissed me off even MORE that it worked!

but what's even worse is that the people i love the most are the ones who most easily trigger that horrible beast. my mom and my dad both can get it going in two nanoseconds (sorry, mamacita, but it's true), and the boy and i never fought, not even once. raphael and i fought tooth and nail 24/7 - we haven't spoken for two years and he is still one of my best friends. and oh, honeybee, sweetheart... you get that temper going preeeeeetty badly.

i'm so sorry for today D:

luckily, at some point my temper lets me think clearer and concentrate so much better so that i can figure out a solution.

which happened today.

thank god.

i just hate feeling like a total bitch towards people :(

hopefully tomorrow will be better :D

2011-08-16T14:57:00.002-04:00

oh. and this is my desktop background on my laptop right now. i just felt like sharing the cuteness with the world :::

last day of summer

2011-08-16T14:56:00.000-04:00

the end of summer is typically a solemn affair. the air gets chillier, and the carefree days of flip-flops and bikinis start to disappear....

but the end of summer leads to my absolute favorite season, FALL.

it might be because i'm a november's child, or it could be my dislike for extreme temperatures, or maybe even my near-addiction to school supplies. either way, i really love fall.

but i can already feel that this is going to be my best school year yet. i'm actually EXCITED for the first day of school tomorrow. why?

this year is actually going to be a challenge for me, courseload wise. i'm typically the girl in the corner who's writing or, i'll admit that i've done this on occasion, texting because her work is done while everyone else is still talking and working. not only am i taking the hardest english class offered for juniors at my school, i'm also taking spanish iii, chemistry, trigonometry, and economics. all of which are college prep. i actually asked for a study hall this year because of it (though i will probably be a student aid for my favoritestestest theatre teacher <3)
i no longer have the same homeroom as my freshman and sophomore years. which means i will probably not have to deal with the boy AT ALL this year. i'm sad that Mme. Hanks is gone, but.... i can totally make this work for me.
my english class is going to be, 'scuse my french, BAD ASS. some of my faaaaaaaaaaaaavorite people are in there (mackenzie, manser, nikita, i'm lookin' at YOU!). plus, again, it will be a challenge.
i'm taking yearbook. they cut my web design class *sob* but i'm still in yearbook. which i also have with mackenzie. my inner computer nerd is *squee*-ing her little heart out in her pigtails and geeky-chic glasses.
i have lunch with my boyfriend.

that last thing makes me the happiest girl in the world. because, while he's in a more difficult math than me (i could have chose pre-cal. i so could have. trig's easier though.) none of our classes would have matched up (trust me, i tried with the theatre arts classes. i tried. i just couldn't make it work.) because we're in different grades. so having lunch together seems like a total blessing.

so, i am a very happy girl right now and may or may not be pampering myself before i have to wake up at five a.m. tomorrow morning.

i <3 socially awkward penguin. and this went along with school starting :P

junior year = amazing.

an award

2011-08-14T18:47:00.000-04:00

Confession time!

I can be a real, true, unlike any other, witch with a capital B sometimes. Part of it is probably because I sort of have a princess complex. Part of it is probably because I grew up in an all girl household for all of my life except for every other weekend and a week every summer. I will whine and complain on a GOOD DAY. On a bad day? Well, anyone who deals with me deserves sainthood.

Allow me to explain the context for this post.

While I'm a writer, I struggle with English. I admit it.

I STRUGGLE WITH ENGLISH.

And don't even get me started on summer reading.

Even if it's something I might otherwise enjoy, if I sense the impending DOOM of having to dissect every little thing about a poem or a novel or an article, my attention span is the length of my cat's attention span. As soon as something stops moving, I space out. And it's not like dissecting pieces of work is HARD for me to do - it's a piece of my stepmom's carrot cake with cream cheese icing {I need to stop distracting myself....}. But because my attention span is about 4 seconds long and not only am I a perfectionist, but also a procrastinator, I get stressed out. And then I get grumpy. And the only way I can be soothed is with sweet words and chocolate and cute animals and websites like HelloGiggles and filleosophy.

This is also why I can crank out a perfect essay the night before it's due after a breakdown of some sort EVERY TIME. Some have even dared to call me a stress addict. It gets that adrenaline goin' and BAM! I'm back in action.

But, unfortunately, this means people I care about (or just anyone I talk to while I'm going through this mega-stress) get stressed out too. Which I feel bad for.

Which is EXACTLY why my boyfriend should win an award for dealing with me today. Yes, it's distance dealing with me via text, but he still should win an award.

{Yes, Mom. You get an award too because you have to deal with me 24/7 whenever I'm like this and you're usually the cause of my breakdowns ----- THANK YOU for that, by the way. You kick my butt and it's always just what I need to get back on track.}

ANYWAYS....

That's why you get these the next time I make them :) [side note: who knows when that might be, but you'll get them. At some point. I hope.]

So thank you for putting up with me and all my grumpy-psychoticness. Mwah. You're the best :)

Where I'd Like To Be

2011-08-10T21:01:00.001-04:00

Bonjourrrr :)

So, there are five places that I basically have to go in my lifetime. I at least have to go to one of them, just because I want to travel somewhere beautiful.

1. Oia, Greece

I really love Greece. It's so beautiful, so colorful... And I have a thing for the Mediterranean. And it's where one of my favorite book characters {Lena from The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants} falls in love. And out of love. And gets caught swimming in a pond in an olive grove.

2. Naples, Italy

I really want to go to Italy. There are actually TWO places in Italy on this list. I want to go to Naples because it just IS Italian. And it's home to the best pizza in the WORLD, according to Liz Gilbert {yes, that is an Eat, Pray, Love reference}
3. Rome, Italy
Rome. Rome cannot be described other than it's ROME. And I want to go there.

4. Kilkenny, Ireland
Irelandddd. This is supposed to be my Sweet 18 trip with darling Evvie, and Kilkenny is gorgeous. Thanks to Mark for introducing me to Kilkenny :)

5. Bali

Again, thank you Liz Gilbert. Bali is beyooooteeful. And I want to meet that medicine man.

XOXO,
Rissa

Letters to You - 8.8.11

2011-08-08T01:54:00.001-04:00

Dear You,

I don't know what is happening to me right now.

All I know for sure is that you make me extremely happy. And I'm not used to being this happy. And I really love being this happy.

My already-shotty since of time and space and direction gets even worse when you kiss me. Or even just touch my arm or ruffle my hair. It's kind of sad, really. And when I push you away, it's not because of anything you're doing. It's not that in the least. There are just sometimes that I don't trust myself.

I really, really care about you. An insane amount. You're gorgeous and gentlemanly and talented and so many other shades of wonderful that I just can't put into words.

You make me want to spend every second, every heartbeat that I can with you. Even if I do feel really silly posting this on my blog for the world to see and not in some private way to you, through whispered words or, truly old school, a perfumed note :P

I don't know what this, because I thought that what I felt before was love, and this doesn't feel anything like THAT. I feel happy. I feel amazing. When I felt THAT, I felt depressed, addicted, just sad.

I don't know, baby. I just don't know. But it's kind of nice to not know.

Hugs and kisses,
Me

fill in the blank friday

2011-07-15T22:35:00.001-04:00

hi.

i haven't done of way too long, so i feel deprieved.

sooooooooooo....

today's fill-in-the-blank friday post is brought to you by lauren at the little things we do

I am a (morning, evening, middle of the day) person.... definitely evening. i am a night owl. but if i can't stay up late... well, i'm still an evening person.
My favorite Pandora stations are Maroon 5, The Band Perry, Missy Higgins, and Norah Jones.
3 of my "must have" songs for a road-trip playlist are Dido's White Flag, Sheryl Crow's If It Makes You Happy, and... ummm... Mom said Sheryl Crow's All I Wanna Do, so I'll just roll with that.
My favorite pattern is spirals. I don't really know why I love spirals so much, I just... do.
My favorite perfume is... well, I don't really have one yet. But I do love Twilight Woods (for reasons besides the name).
Rules are... some are there for a reason, some are meant to be broken. Sometimes, those can be the same rule. It is up to you, Grasshopper, to discern the difference. *old, wise, knowing smile*
My most overused phrase or punctuation is either "ya thank?!" (also known as you think, but it's so much better with my accent :P), "oh really?" (heavy on the sarcasm), and, most recently, i've been known to say (like the stereotypical brain-dead blonde ditz that i am not) "you're cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute :3"

i also tend to overuse emoticons.

i love emoticons :D

happy friday!

xoxo,

rissa

fit for a princess

2011-07-10T16:22:00.000-04:00

i promise you, this will not be turning into a fashion blog.

i swear on my cat's tail (wow, she's going to be MADDD if i'm lying...)

but i kind of love the new princess.

as in, prince william's recent bride, kate middleton.

leading up to the wedding and even on the day of, i really couldn't care less. she could have worn a paper sack and i still would have paid no attention.

but now, now she's made her way into websites i frequently lurk, like HelloGiggles (i completely girl-crush on zooey deschanel) and yahoo's shine.

and, i have to say... i kind of love kate middleton.

and pippa, too. but mostly kate.

classic. elegant. chic.

my three favorite things.

and i just thought you should know.

xoxo,

rissa

Letters to You - July 9, 2011

2011-07-09T23:52:00.000-04:00

hiya.

just a new little segment here on the blog.... once you see it, it's self explanatory.

July 9, 2011

Dear You,

We aren't even dating yet.

I mean, yeah, I used the excuse of using you as a pillow to get as close to you as I could at the fireworks on the Fourth of July, and you let me, and you reached for my hand about halfway through, and you wrote the corniest, sweetest Facebook status ever about watching fireworks in my eyes.

And you asked me to the county fair. Which I of course said yes to. Actually, you probably could have asked me on any date and I would have said yes to it. Well, within reason. I just want to be around you.

But we aren't dating. Not yet.

Which means I can't say that you're mine, or that I have the best boyfriend ever, and I don't have the right to brag and gush and babble about you with lights in my eyes yet.

You have no idea how badly I want to be in a relationship with you.

I want to go slow. So slow. But I want it to last so we can make it to faster parts.

I could deal with just holding your hand and giving you hugs forever if I had to. That's how much I like you.

I never want to lie to you. I want you to be able to trust me, and I, you.

I want to be able to fight with you without being scared of things ending. Fighting can be good, therapeutic. It reveals the truth.

I want to be able to pour my heart out to you without fear of judgment.

I'm good at corny words, too. Can we be corny with words together?

I want to be your best friend, the best girlfriend you can ever imagine, the girl you can kiss, fight with, count on.

Love,

PS: I've liked you for years. It's just taken awhile to realize it.

7.9.11

2011-07-09T21:13:00.000-04:00

bonjourrrrrrrrrrrrrrr <3

so. today, i got my hair cut.

a trim and bangs a la zooey deschanel.

and i have a daaaaaaaaaaaate on tuesday.

the county fair.

and i haven't come up with a nickname for the boy yet, so for now he's just my date :P

xoxo,

rissa

7.1.11

2011-07-01T16:58:00.000-04:00

what's this?! you may ask?

*cue musical number*

she's back!

she's back she's back she's back!

howdy, folks :D

didn't mean to disappear on you.

xoxo,

rissa

tuesday update

2010-10-19T13:01:00.000-04:00

hayloooo lovie-dovies.

in study hall real quick (i literally have seven minutes to type this and log off)

i have reached the forty page mark in my plot and paper novel!!!!

*squees*

i know it's really not that far, but i'm fine with that. i'm where i wanted to reach before NaNoWriMo started. plus i'm kinda on a roll, so i may even reach 50 or 60 pages before Nov. 1.

which makes me very happy.

especially since codey is supporting both of my writing projects.

also, i've been posting my short little pieces (daydreams, if you will) on protagonize lately. after codey reads them. he kinda reads them first because most of them started with his little prompts...

i saw easy a last night.

it was amazing. i ♥ penn badgely.

and i now have a girlcrush on emma stone.

and olive pendergast is BAD. ASS.

just sayin'.

xoxo,

rissa

duuuuuh-dunn! duuuuuuuuuh-dunn! duh-dun-duh-dun-duh-dun! it's almost heeeeeeeeeeee-re!

2010-10-16T17:12:00.000-04:00

haylooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lovie dovies!

guess what!!

it's almost here!

what is "it," exactly?

NaNoWriMo!

i know what you're thinking.

and no, i'm not edward cullen.

but, unless you have writer friends or are a writer yourself, you probably have absolutely N O C L U E what NaNoWriMo is.

in short, NaNoWriMo is 50 T H O U S A N D words in 30 days.

sounds impossible, doesn't it?

well, allow me to let you in on a little secret.

c'mere.

closer...closer... closer...

it is possible.

some people even finish two.

some crazy, insane, completely out-of-their-mind writers actually attempt this.

including myself.

and i'm in high school.

i have homework and quizzes and tests and chores and friends and a boyfriend...

and i'm attempting to write a novel in that short of time.

and, really, i'm actually kinda confident i can balance it all and at least hit the 25k mark by the end of november.

codey says i'll make it waaayyy past that, but i'm trying to be realistic.

but he also says that i can be social just by sitting with him while i write, so...

i might.

i know what you're thinking again.

"but what about the plot and paper project?"

plot and paper's deadline is December 31.

i'm assuming that's midnight on new years', hopefully.

i am currently at 37 pages.

i'm hoping to reach somewhere near the 50 page mark before November 1. maybe even the 60 page mark.

and, during NaNoWriMo, it'll be my writers' block blocker. i'll work on it when i can't work on Bare Feet & October Daisies. and then i'll write more on it in December while i let BF&OD stew, and i'll look at it with fresh eyes, later.

i have some crazily big dreams and expectations.

can i honestly finish them both by their deadlines? probably not.

can i realistically expect that things aren't going to cause my writing to go to the wayside along the way? of course not.

but, go big or go home.

xoxo,

rissa

p.s: for more information on National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), visit nanowrimo.org

p.s.s: if you're up to the challenge and join NaNo, search either "MourningAndNight" in the Username box, or "Bare Feet & October Daisies" in the Author/Novel Info box.

meh. it's friday. :/

2010-10-15T10:08:00.001-04:00

hayloo, lovies.

*sad sigh*

frenchie:

*sad llama*

i'm not exactly happy about today being friday.

i know, who am i? what high school student DOESN'T want it to be friday?

*points at self* this girl.

i don't want it to be friday, because, drumroll please, i have to go to my DAD'S this weekend.

normally this is just a big, sarcastic woop-dee-doo and a twirl of a finger or jazz hands, but not today.

going to my dad's mean i have to wait until monday morning to see my boyfriend after the 2:40 bell today.

*sadllama*

and i'd've been fine with this, had i been able to hang out and study and make him dinner last night, as was the plan.

but, he got up in rebuilding a dog cage some jerk said he hadn't built right originally (which he DID.) so he didn't get to come over.

which made me a very sad and slightly angry girlfriend.

but, it got me to write the best piece of work i've written in, well, ever.

but now for some fill-in-the-blanks from the little things we do

f i l l i n t h e b l a n k s

1. Blogging is a creative outlet for me and my life wouldn't be the same without it.

2. A current fashion trend I wish I was brave enough to wear is a baby doll tunic with leggings and lace. if i owned it i might get the guts to wear it, but who knows.

3. My greatest accomplishment in life thus far is attempting to juggle two writing projects with DEADLINES at once.

(still haven't exactly accomplished this, but i'm hoping to next month)

4. If I had to choose between a mountain or a beach vacation I'd choose ocean vacation, definitely. i am an ocean girl - if i do remember right, "marissa" means "star of the sea".

5. A talent I wish I had is being able to curl my hair without using braids and without absolutely taking forever.

6. A talent I do have is being able to turn my bad moments into beautiful words.

7. This week went by too fast. time flies when you're having fun, i suppose.

i actually let codey read what i wrote last night while i was annoyed with him last night. it was a written down daydream, the way i wanted everything to happen. the surprise of the dinner, the october daisy... though it probably covers about five minutes total time.

i did that by letting him have my scribble pad for the first class period.

and, quite frankly, i freaked the eff out.

i don't like people having my notebook where i can't see it. i might be the tiniest ocd about it.

but now it's back in my possession, and i'm calm...

and i'm going to keep letting him read what i write.

xoxo,

rissa

p.s. -- almost to the forty page mark in plot and paper! hoping to reach at least 45 by sunday. le boyf is turning out to be more of an inspiration, less of a distraction.
and he says in november i can be social by writing furiously while sitting on his lap or with my feet on his lap.
i must say, i like this idea.

distractions...

2010-10-14T10:08:00.000-04:00

hayloo lovie-dovies.

i am typing this so that i don't completely zone out and miss the bell today.

dang you, patrick, for asking about that one thing that i've been doing my best to keep out of my head, and i'd been doing pretty dang good at it, too.

and no, it's not that.

and i was already wound up. ughhhhh.

and, of course, i mention this at codey and he grins evilly at me. that boy is up to something, i swear.

i mean, other than the picnic...

oh, hi mom *blushes*

(i just completely forgot she now reads this blog *facepalm* *waves sheepishly* i love yew mommeh)

in other news, my mom read one of his texts to me last night (thankfully it was just something like a "yes, it will be." i mean, none of them are incriminating, just rather cheesy and flirty and DANGIT I'M A TEENAGE GIRL SHUTUP.) and was able to figure out his signature "" (ahem, *sniffle*) within about two seconds.

I HAD TO ASK HIM WHAT IT MEANT WHAT THE FRICK MOM?!

also, in light of mocking castle's daughter (we had just watched the episode from monday night - it was pretty good, too!) i sing-songed "mom, how do you know you're in love?"

except for i couldn't keep a straight face as i said it.

...

and i may have been mildly curious.

mom's reply? "are you just joking or do you want a serious answer?"

me (internally): dang i forgot she can read my mind practically.

me (externally): *sheepish smile while turning from doing dishes* "a little bit of both...?"

and then she talked until my stepdad got back from the gas station.

so, basically, i'm most fluent in spanish right now. my english is total gibberish.

and i don't mind one bit.

xoxo,

rissa

p&p - distractions and inspiration

2010-10-13T10:01:00.000-04:00

haylooo lovie-dovies.

i know i haven't posted since last friday (holy crap who am i?!), but i've been busy.

with plot & paper... and le boyf.

saturday's homecoming dance was really freaking awesome (if the moon fell down will probably now be my permanent favorite song, now), as was staying up until two or three gabbing with leila.

sunday, after i left leila's house was the teeniest bit torture.

i feel like i'm going to end up dying from lack of affection this weekend, probably.

plot&paper

progress:

34/180 pages

i know it's not much progress since last week's post, but at least it's something.

plus, people have been asking to read it and i don't exactly feel like saying no.

codey is a major distraction, though. a teeny bit of inspiration, but definitely distraction.

besides, if i do my chores, i get to see codey.

if i work on my novel, i spend more time at the house.

bleh.

oh, and i've resorted to wearing silly bands to keep myself awake, during class and at home.

the old rubber band trick, but now cuter.

considering my progress, i haven't really gotten to delve into my ideas from last week's post, but i'm hoping i'll still be able to.

AAAAAND i'm brainstorming for NaNoWriMo.

*head explodes*

basically, i have to decide to be true to all of my writing and be antisocial towards my boyfriend (*happy sigh as i think the word*) or neglect my writing.

us writers... we lead rough lives. :P

xoxo,

rissa

feliz viernes

2010-10-08T10:05:00.000-04:00

hola, lovie-dovies, and happy friday.

i am sooo tired this morning. beyond belief.

and i need to proofread my texts better.

today's fill in the blank fun is from The Little Things We Do

1. The first thing I do in the morning to start my day is crank up some energetic music and start to sing - it's the only thing that'll wake me up.

2. Today I wish I was not at school but instead just relaxing and having fun with Codey and the rest of the gang.

3. If I had an extra $100 in my bank account today I'd go buy a B U N C H of music.

4. Tomorrow I will be going to another Homecoming dance and dinner at Max & Erma's with friends.

5. Two things that don't go together are Fridays and homework.

6. Something I can never pass up at the grocery store is a Snickers Dark bar or, if I don't already have it, the newest edition of Seventeen.

7. The last time I tried something new was last Saturday. Just last Saturday in general.

well, i barely had enough time to even type this post, and it was mostly copy and paste...

i may blog more later during study hall.

later, lovies.

xoxo,

rissa

♫ if you want more love why don't you say so? ♫

2010-10-07T10:08:00.001-04:00

hayloo, lovies.

today's post will be a plot and paper post.

progress:

30/180 pages...

that, according to the calculator on the computer, is about 16%.

n e w i d e a s

my original plan for (re)learning how to fly was to make it a typical YA romance with some wit and innuendo. throw in a dash of abuse and teenage girl jealousy and voila, i would be done.

but, @katelinnea gave me the idea this morning to make it into a YA romance/mystery. well, she was saying from reviewing bones and castle that she's tempted to change her NaNo idea from a YA romance to just a mystery, but i've been playing with this idea for a while.

we all know i'm hooked on shows like white collar, veronica mars, bones, castle, lie to me, and psych.

not enough YA books are like that. they are, quite frankly, shallow for the most part.

i like books like i like my tv shows.

i want to try and guess the end and i want you to keep me guessing.

i've been searchingsearchingsearching for YA books like that. they are hard to find unless you're into more supernatural stuff, and i'm not exactly a really paranormal book reading person.

but, a few months ago, i met kristina mcbride.

she is wonderful person, and an even more amazing author.

one who you wouldn't expect to write a kidnapping novel.

but, she does.

and it's not your typical kidnapping story.

it's told from the friend of the victim.

i thought that the tension of opposites would be a book that would freak me out, mainly because i know where everything happens.

but it didn't.

tessa juggles the return of her best friend noelle - who now wants to be called elle - and the new boy in town that is ohb-vee-us-lee into her.

and, let me tell you, if boys from that area were actually like that, i would never want to leave home.

i immediately fell in love with her male lead. he was everything a teenage girl wants in a guy.

but, dealing with elle kind of screws it all up.

the tension of opposites kept me guessing at every turn.

there might not have been a lot of mystery involved, but you never knew what elle would screw up next.

kristina mcbride has made me want to try my hand at a little mystery.

i no longer want to be predictable.

i won't limit it to one typical subject matter that you find in YA books.

dessen tends to put two in each book. one or more neglectful parents, and one other thing that just needs to be put into the teens of today's minds so they know they're not alone.

and, i am now out of time, so i won't elaborate more.

like i was going to, anyway.

*rolls eyes*

xoxo,

rissa

♫ you are slowly breaking me down

2010-10-06T10:02:00.000-04:00

hayloo, lovie-dovies!

today's post title is from a song a friend of mine (go to myspace music and find kelsey skaggs). it is my favorite song off of her entire cd, and is absolutely bee-yoo-tee-full.

can i get a drumroll, please!

codey gets to go with me to my other dance!

*squees*

i'm still spending the night with leila afterward, and it's still gonna be a big-ish group, but i'm still really excited.

and nervous.

because bringing a date no one knows on a group thing with me, leila, and sweets (and possibly winter) is like going on american idol or so you think you can dance.

we go after them like rabid dogs.

and this'll be my first time bringing a date who isn't part of the group, so i'm pretty nervous.

yet, he isn't.

grrr.

i'm nervous enough for the both of us.

but we're both really glad he gets to come with me. leila says our relationship ain't official til she says it is.

i love you, you crazy witch.

but, i'm really really happy since everyone seems to want to meet each other... though i haven't spoken to winter about it yet...

but, hell, i haven't really spoken to him since last december.

last time i saw him was february.

but it'll be fun, i'm sure of it. even if i'm technically not supposed to be eating gluten which means i shouldn't even step foot inside of an olive garden but i'm fine with this because i'll probably eat tons of junk at lei-lei's anyway.

plus it means i get to spend more time with codey. which i *definitely* approve of.

i know that i promised to dish about him on twitter yesterday after i got chores done, but i was hardly able to watch lie to me online at 9:30 without falling asleep.

i will as soon as i can. clio, bailey, caillie, spencer:: please do not hurt me.

i cannot wait until lunch.

especially today, because we're hi-jacking another table because yesterday my people were especially crazy and there may have been a comment or two on how i "need to get laid."

harrumph.

i. do. not.

so, completely different table today. he's only bringing patrick and cameron, i'm only bringing angie.

xoxo,

rissa

♫ fathers be good to your daughters.... ♫

2010-10-05T10:02:00.001-04:00

hayloo, lovie-dovies.

the title of this post truthfully has no relevance to the content what-so-ever, other than it was the last song i was listening to.

plus we all know i love me some john mayer.

i have one month until my birthday *squeeeee* and i kinda want my dad to learn that for me for my birthday.

not too much to ask for, right?

well, right now i'm kinda sorta really happy right now because a) i've had four hugs from le boyf already and it's only 3rd period, b) he was able to actually explain my math homework to me in a way that i understand, and c) he's actually less than a year older than me.

woooooooooo!

this weekend is greene's homecoming, and... okay, leila, please don't hurt me, but i'm not excited as i was before. i thought that my dance was going to be miserable, but it wasn't. it was the best. dance. ever.

now, if i could bring le boyf with me, it'd be a whole 'nother story.

but, i follow the best friend code.

bff asked me first, bf was just a recent addition.

...

*looks at leila for permission* *puppy dog eyes*

i know he'll go for it. *sheepish smile*

i luuuuuuuve you lei-lei....

or, should i say, GIRLFRIEND :P

you, my darling, have the greatest teenage girl mind EVERRRR.

but PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE I WILL SOOOOOO HOOK YOU UP WITH IAN SOMERHALDER IF I EVER GET FAMOUS!!! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEHE'LLMAKEWINTERJEALOUSPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!!
EDIT::::THATISJUSTANADDEDBENEFITPLUSMAKINGHIMSQUIRMWOULDBETHEBESTREVENGE EVER

*gets on knees* *begs*

plus then you get to meet him.... C:

i have... wrote one more sentence in my plot and paper. that train of thought kind of crashed. i'll probably try to get some done when i'm at leila's on saturday night.

oh, and honey? what color is your dress?

well, it's almost the end of class and i'm like freezing cold. i soooo need to go to my locker to get codey's hoodie again, but i can't do that until before 5th period....

xoxo,

rissa

plot & paper update

2010-10-04T09:55:00.000-04:00

haylooooooooo lovie-dovies.

*big goofy grin*

Frenchie:: **big goofy LLAMA grin**

Me: shut up, Frenchie.

okay, i have HARDLY written anything for my plot&paper project since last week.

please do not shun me, but i had to play cinderella.

literally.

but, it was worth it.

saturday was the best dance i have been to. EVER.

four straight hours of dancing practically nonstop,

not stepping on my date's feet any of the, like, seven times we slow danced (uhm, winter, that means YOUR the one who can't dance!),

spazz dancing,

aaaaand slow dancing to a couple of fast songs.

oh, did i mention that a) i now have a boyfriend? and b) i happen to be wearing his jacket?

i stole it from him yesterday because i was cold at the cookout we were at and i didn't want to go inside. so, he hugged me a lot and let me borrow his jacket.

which smells reeeeeeeeally good.

things i have learned this past weekend...

my exboyf is a halfway decent guy, just not for me.

sometimes it's a really good choice to take a chance that could leave you heartbroken.

codey has a true way with words - i think he's even better than me, even though he doesn't aspire to be a writer.

and when you literally fall (because you get pushed about ten times in one night ON PURPOSE) and somebody catches you everytime, it gives you this really good feeling.

i know, that last one is strange.

xoxo,

rissa

feliz viernes!!!!! squee

2010-10-01T12:38:00.000-04:00

haylooo lovie-dovies.

and

haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii mommehhhhhhh!!!

i. love. you.

you may have noticed my hiatus(?) on twitter over the past couple of days.

basically, i got in trouble.

so i won't be on twitter for... as long as my mom decides.

BUT she said it's okay for me to blog at school as long as there isn't anything else for me to do.

so, here i am.

oh. my. effing. god!!!

tomorrow is homecoming!!!!!

aaaand i have a date!!!!! (for those of you who do not follow me on twitter)

i am so excited. he is awesome. and i get to see him in my next class *goofy llama grin*

well, real quick i'm gonna do the fill-in-the-blanks from the little things we do.

1. True happiness is being loved, being stable, and living life.

2. The most surreal moment of my life was... I don't have one. Not yet.

3. My favorite texture is silk and velvet. Or really soft denim. I love jeans when they are that reaaaaally super soft denim...

4. My signature color is black or brown. Though I look dang good in jewel colors (deep purples, red orange, emerald to forest green, various blues...)

5. My signature style is cute but comfy. And, to me, skinny jeans (or jeggings), a funky top, some cool jewelry, and some form of high heeled boot is cute and comfy.

6. If I could choose one store to spend my life savings at, it would probably be Forever 21 or Macy's. I love them both. They have the right amount of funky and chic.

7. My best thing about autumn is EVERYTHING! Autumn is my absolute favorite season. The colors, the chill, the football games, the school, the fact that it's finally acceptable to wear jeans, boots, scarves, and drink hot chocolate daily.

we have a pep rally at the end of school today, so study hall is gonna be cut short. i only have a little bit of time left.

later lovelies.... and mah favorite mommeh in the whole world C:

xoxo,

rissa

plot & paper update - 93 days left!

2010-09-29T10:09:00.000-04:00

hayloo lovies.

i've been busy working on a paper in english, so i've been using my extra time in computer apps to work on that.

update on the whole asking-someone-to-the-dance thing?

breanna refuses to tell me if he has a gf until 7 period TODAY.

grrrrrr meanie.

if not, i'm asking him tomorrow or forever living in shame.

p l o t ♥ a n d ♥ p a p e r ♥ p r o j e c t

according to asheyna , there are 93 days left until the end of the plot and paper project.

i am currently somewhere in the middle of chapter two, and on about page 27.

i feel like i'm doing well, avoiding distractions for the most part (i do not qualify twitter (or castle or glee) as distractions. they are research tools.)

i'm writing pretty much every chance i get, in place of people watching after i get done in class.

(re)learning is kind of a typical young adult romance novel, though i like to think that, though it's a stereotypical YA, it's different. a lot of YA novels that i DON'T like have boooring dialogue that is "correct" way to write it.

real teenagers don't talk like that.

real teenagers conversations are fast, quick-witted, and innuendo-filled.

we don't talk just to pass information.

we talk to talk.

we use slang, made up words, and use regular words to mean other things.

girls sometimes give guys codenames like "yahoo" or "google" or "lovah boy" (i hate you, leila. jk. luvvs yew :P)

teenagers don't always say what they mean.

and i feel like many novels capture that.

during all of my fast-paced dialogue, coffee-dumping, slap-facing action, i have alluded to asheyna.

a few weeks ago, when a certain person called me a femi-nazi ignorant etc., she mentioned to me that once, a(n) (ex)boyfriend had called her a Soul-less Ice Queen.

Excerpt:

"As soon as she walked away, I muttered under my breath. 'I thought I was supposed to be the soul-less ice queen extrodinaire!'

'Darling, you still are. She just gives you a run for your money.'"

end scene.

you see, that is how my friends and i talk. we don't use proper grammar, we say words that don't even exist!

and that is how i make my characters talk.

♥

i am a strange person. i hardly ever have any homework, except for bigger stuff, because i mostly get it done at school. i have a mandatory 30 minute study hall (which i mostly use for writing), and i typically have a lot of time during class. which leads to me not having homework.

mainly because i don't talk that much during class.

unless zoey is in there....

*waves at zoey next to me*

gotta go!

xoxo,

rissa

class rings

2010-09-22T09:55:00.000-04:00

*sigh*

hayloo lovie-dovies.

today sophomores are going to an assembly type thing for class rings.

woo effing hoo.

likely an hours worth of boring, useless information. i'm not getting one.

so, hopefully i won't get yelled at if i bring my notebook and work on my plot and paper project.

i accidentally cut sexeh acting partner with a cable today.

not on purpose.

he was playing with it, it was his own fault.

but it cut him.

and now i feel really bad.

i am still totally #teamhatewednesday.

i am having an awful day.

first i finally figured something out.

and it was dreadful.

i've been mad - no, pissed! - at my best friend for almost a year...

and this morning information fell together that made me feel so guilty.

so. so. so. so. so. guilty.

i honestly didn't have a reason to be mad at him.

but now, i realize, the blame pretty much falls on my dad. and me.

mostly my dad.

and now i haven't spoken to that best friend really since february.

what. have. i. done.

that has made me grouchy all morning.

then adding the cutting levi with that cable (i am soooo sooo sorry levi! though i know you have no way of reading this) and the effing sophomore class meeting for class rings, and i'm a downright witch-with-a-b.

the good thing is that i didn't need my coffee this morning.

because that realization woke me up like someone shoving me into an ocean full of ice water.

i honestly just want to go home. my head is killing me {thank you, migrane} and i just want sleep and knitting needles and some veronica mars... or glee.

p l o t ♥ a n d ♥ p a p e r ♥ p r o j e c t

i am currently just over twenty pages into my plot&paper, and there has already been a covered up bruise and a bad breakup.

*cue the breaking up is hard to do song*

and i'm on chapter two. barely. which is pretty good, for me, at least.

well, later, lovelies.

xoxo,

rissa

terrible twos

2010-09-20T10:07:00.000-04:00

hayloooo lovie-dovies, and happy monday.

psh. contradiction of terms, but today hasn't been that bad so far.

i spent the weekend camping, volunteering, and babysitting at a local earth work.

baby james (who is 18 months old and totally adorable) was a little mischievous, but otherwise well behaved.

but try walking three miles while holding a toddler in your arms. (one trip around the serpent is one mile, if i remember right.)

he has gotten so big!

his sisters and i all babysat him, the spoiled little boy :)

but, watching him for over 24 hours has made me realize something.

uh uh. no way. no how. not until i'm at least 23.

i did not make the play *sadpanda* but that's okay. he said that my name kept going towards the top of the list, but there weren't enough female parts (there are only two in the odd couple).

i told him if there are any stage jobs where i can be bossy, i will gladly work stage crew.

in acting today, we were working on our monologues. again.

today we were working on memorizing them.

and oz didn't make me and sexeh acting partner split up!

but dori got added to our group (i heart her) coz her partner wasn't here today.

my monologue is pretty long, but i have at least half of it memorized, which i am proud of :D

i have sexeh acting partner's monologue COMPLETELY memorized, though.

it's ferris bueller. it's hard not to memorize.

sexeh acting partner is now also known as terrible two, because he was acting worse than baby james was this weekend.

i jacked a piece of his gum, though.

and he looks dang good in neon blue skinny jeans.

like, drool worthy.

before you even ask it, yes, yes, rissa has a crush.

shutit. shutit.

or i'll sick frenchie on you.

frenchie: *prepares to lick your face*

y'know, sexeh acting partner has really pretty eyes...

anyone who knows me in RL knows i am a total sucker for blue eyed boys.

but he has frickin' silver eyes.

i think i may have just became more of a silver eye girl than a blue eye girl.

*starts to daydream*

frenchie: *licks my face*

me: *snaps out of it* dammit, frenchie!

frenchie: *llama grin*

class is almost over.

xoxo,

rissa

feliz viernes!

2010-09-17T10:08:00.000-04:00

haylooooo lovie-dovies.

it's friday.

and i have a baby llama ninja named frenchie who wears a beret.

word.

you'd have to follow me on twitter to understand that...

i'm on page 14 in my plot and paper project, and will be working on it lots more over the weekend.

imma wearin' mah OSU shirt today.

buckeye pride!

f i l l i n t h e b l a n k f r i d a y

1. When I get a day to myself I write, read, knit, and watch as much TV as I can.

2. High school was (is).... Meh. I'm indifferent. I don't particularly enjoy it.

3. A little dream I have is to get married. I know, cheesy, but true.

4. A big dream I have is to get published and get a following. That has been my life-long dream.

5. If I could drive any car, my pick would be a red, hard top Mercedes Benz convertible. I saw one the other day and it was fierce. I want it.

6. A time that I felt really and truly beautiful was ... I'm not really sure. I mean, homecoming last year kind of, but...

7. Tomorrow I will.... be at Serpent Mound, minding the craft tables and camping.

ugh, my neck is killing me! i'm hoping to get some writing done in study hall today.

i don't have much time left, so time to say toodles!

xoxo,

rissa

invisible reports

2010-09-16T13:01:00.001-04:00

hayloooo lovies.

posting twice in one day! it's a miracle!

ell oh elllll!

so, i'm in the computer lab for study hall again.

i honestly don't actually have anything to work on on the computer.

ok, there is ONE thing. i'm working on figuring out poems to use for the Nancy Thorp poetry contest.

but am i really doing that?

...

no. okay, a little bit, but more blogging. because i don't have homework.

though i should be working on plot and paper. but i don't wanna right now. maybe tomorrow.

invisible reports come in veddy veddy handy when you want to get on the computer.

i know that i should not deceive my teachers like that (plz not to be hurting me, annie and asheyna) but i would rather play on the computer than sit there in that stuffy classroom rotting my brain away.

that is why i do not bother with a study hall.

my hair is soooo messy right now. at least it's in a bun. i was too lazy to try and make it look nice because i did this bun in about ten seconds or less in my history class.

which is right before lunch and mandatory study hall.

i cannot believe some people actually opt for A N O T H E R study hall. are they effing insane?

i keep running into levi today.

and i A L M O S T think it's on purpose.

but now i know his locker number.

do not call me a stalker. i am not.

just observant.

513 is now my favorite number.

angie isn't here today, so i just sat with sam and andrea at lunch (aka i just sat at my usual table minus the angie)

and i keep waiting for the sophomore year "jocks" to turn around and say

"whaaaaaaaaaaaaa---?!"

with wide eyes and drool coming out of their mouths.

looking at andy and sam, of course.

i just listen and laugh

let's just say it's not exactly G rated... or even PG-13.

they joke that they're corrupting me.

my reply?

"i'm already corrupted in the head! don't even bother with worrying about it."

because, between twitter and bus rides, (and just growing up) i have already been corrupted in the head.

ugh, this desk is killing my wrists! there's a metal part and it is sharp and is right where my wrists hit when i'm typing. and i think it might of just broke skin.

ewwwwwwww germies.

if i get the time after i get home, i am definitely posting a wishlist (like on annie's blog!)

because my 15th birthday is november 5! W00T W00T!

well, gotta go! less than five minutes until i leave for algebra.

xoxo,

rissa

school. bleh.

2010-09-16T10:02:00.000-04:00

hayloooo, lovie-dovies.

*sigh*

you know i'm exhausted if i've almost fallen asleep in english class yesterday, bio today, and on bus rides to and from school.

i. need. caffeine.

and/or food.

yesterday, i hardly had anything for lunch because we hardly had anything to pack for lunch. so, i had like three sandwiches when i got home.

that is how fracking hungry i was.

aaaaandddd annoying news:

we (meaning levi and i) have been asked if we were dating.

two days in a row.

by. the. same. people.

just because we have stage chemistry does not mean we have actual chemistry.

*mumbles something*

but it's seriously effing annoying.

it feels like last year all over again (meaning the "are you dating? you two would make such a keeeyoooot couple!").

except for, i'm in an actual high school,

i don't have a date (of the opposite sex - leila, you are still my date, right? lol),

some people who i was talking to last year haven't talked to me since february,

and a certain somebody is still. dead.

i didn't get to write at auditions last night because they were very hands on. we all tried out at the same time. i'm going back tonight.

it was so much fun, though!

plus i found out we have wifi in the cafeteria/auditorium.

and it's not locked!!!1!!!1111!!!

i really hope i get a part in the play. it'll look good on transcripts and it'll be fun.

this morning, i was not hug attacked by dearest exboyf, but instead got an arm around me by one of zoezoe's senior friends.

my initial thought:

"uh, who the hell is this guy and why does he have his arm around me?"

two seconds later:

"awwwh, f*ck it."

simply because i like hugs.

p l o t & p a p e r p r o j e c t

hopefully, i will get a lot of writing done this weekend while i'm camping at serpent mound.

and, hopefully the mound will help me write.

or the fact that there is no internet or cell service there.

...

*starts sobbing*

I NEED MY TWITTER!

i will surely be insane by the end of the weekend.

that or i'll sneak to bev and jim's house and hijack their internet.

...

wait, that sounds like a pretty good idea!

mwahahahahaha!

levi *is* adorable though.

really adorable.

and awesome to work with in acting.

awwwh, who'mah kidding.

that boy is freaking sexy.

but, today he kept trying to get people to pick me to read my monologue (from the first tape in the book of Thirteen Reasons Why) because a) he thought it was a good choice, b) he thought i was good at it, and c) he wanted to show the class that i can be totally serious.

because, around him, i tend to be a total clown.

like, we were totally faux ninja / cat fighting yesterday.

and we were very loud.

and he is very distracting.

the adorableness....

*sigh*

well, before i get more distracted between exhaustion and trying not to think about levi, i better go.

xoxo,

rissa

study hall and an update on plot and paper!

2010-09-15T12:55:00.000-04:00

haylooooo lovie-dovies.

how ya be?

i am currently in study hall (ok, not in my actual study hall class, but across the hall in the empty computer lab - well, empty except for sam)

my back huuuuuurts and i do not want to go to algebra.

i am so tired from staying up late and putting poems together in a composition book so my english teacher could look at them to see if she wanted to sponsor me in a poetry contest.

i hope she does, and i hope she'll have an opinion on which to use!

i am still starving though i just got back from eating lunch.

i didn't pack enough because we don't have a lot of food at home right now.

we have to go to the grocery store before or after my "the odd couple" audtition tonight.

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

i am most definitely bringing my plot and paper project with me tonight, though. that way i'll be able to get some done while i'm waiting to audition.

speaking of my plot and paper project, i am currently on page twelve or thirteen, and am so jealous of glenna who is somewhere in the ninety page zone.

how the hell did you do that, blue lipstick samurai?!

i like how it's developing, though.

it's actually a story that i wrote 20K into last year, but needed some definite TLC after my abandoning it.

i started in a different place this time, and it's going much better.

more drama.

drama in books = good

drama in life = bad

well, i have to go back into my study hall classroom and get my stuff, so later gators!

xoxo,

rissa

drama king & queen

2010-09-14T10:08:00.000-04:00

hayloo, lovie-dovies.

i have like ten minutes or less to write this post, so i better hurry up.

i proudly bear the name "drama queen" most of the time. as long as it's not drama queen as in is a total bitch (in a bad way) and makes too much out of everything.

i mean drama queen where you're dramatic and funny when the situation calls for it.

like, per se, in acting class.

oz (aka mr. wallingford. i call him oz.) didn't make levi and i split up today in acting.

and, honestly, i'm starting to think that he splits us up because we're loud, not because we need to work with other people.

yeah, we might get a little loud when we work together. but we have to be able to throw our voices!

ok, FINE, we get VERYYY loud. yelling and such.

but it's fun and it's expected in acting class.

he is the drama king to my drama queen, quite honestly.

he is awesome, just as an eff whyyy aiiii.

i have developed a very strong love for contentless scenes. especially when they involve numbers, because then it's combining two of my favorite things:::

math and being dramatic.

on another note, i just finished 150 words that i had for homework in us history last night. i am soooo fracking glad i finished it.

i am a total procrastinator, but also completely OCD about my schoolwork and grades.

it's painful, really.

i love wearing pigtails. they're fun.

oh, and i finished 13 reasons why last night.

one of my absolute favorite books now, and i'm using a monologue from in tomorrow in acting class.

chao, loves.

xoxo,

rissa

happy monday! {is a contradiction of terms}

2010-09-13T10:09:00.000-04:00

haylooo, lovie-dovies.

back in computer apps again.

and it is monday.

i typically don't like mondays. but, for some reason, today i'm feelin' pretty dang good.

and i haven't had any caffeine.

dubya tee eff?

as always, acting class is already the highlight of my day. mostly because i enjoy being dramatic.

but levi and i got seperated *sniffle*

again.

i do understand it, we need to work with more than just one person, but i haven't worked with him THAT much.

and, dearest Eve S. D'ropper (haiiiiiii colleeeeeeeen ;D )

i will post more about levi.

but later, when i'm not at school where people can read over my shoulder. (i'm lookin' at you, zoezoe)

u p d a t e s

i am almost finished with jay asher's "thirteen reasons why." i love it. everyone needs to read it. especially those who have considered suicide before.
i got my signed copy of kelsey skaggs' "lady liberty" album over the weekend, and it is freaking amazing. except, when i hear "l-o-v-e", i still here the little "click-click-click" thing from the booth. (y'know, the recording booth?)
i will admit that i didn't get much of my plot & paper project done over the weekend. i started getting on a roll on saturday night, but we ended up leaving right after i started getting into that groove.
i am trying out for the odd couple on wednesday and thursday. i checked out one of the scripts today, and it is currently on top of my stack of books.

okay, i am like totally praying that i don't get much homework today, because i am literally craving writing. yes, that is possible.

luckily, so far, i don't have any. because we turned in our packets for bio today, and i don't study, so there's nothing there. i'll probably have math homework (which i'll just do in study hall tomorrow) and probably english work. possibly history, but i bet i'll get that done in class.

i am really really hungry and have two hours until lunch.

two whole classes where i actually have to learn.

eff emm ell!

actually, i think the only reason i'm noticing it is because i'm wearing a belt today to cinch a shirt, and i'm not used to wearing a belt that tight that high. which could very possibly mean i'm not as hungry as i feel.

i betcha angie'll ditch me again at lunch today.

but that's fine, i'll just sit with the awesome new girl sam who is one of the only other sophomores in my history class.

(we have to take freshman history because the schools we went to last year had US History for sophomores and World Studies for freshman. damn you, WHS, get it right!)

well, it's almost time to get out of class, so i might post more later.

xoxo,

rissa

plot&paper project

2010-09-09T10:03:00.000-04:00

hayyylooooo, lovie-doves.

back in computer apps, yet again!

and today, i don't have make-up work to finish, so free time!

acting class is simply amazing. i have the best acting partner.

we don't have assigned partners, but everybody pretty much stays with the same partner everyday.

his name is levi. and he is... adorable.

shut up, leila.

have you, dear readers, ever done the mirror exercise?

if so, you know just how tricky it is to move at the same time as the other person.
levi and i are scarily good at it.

plus, we've been working on "contentless scenes" where we, for example, count to ten, back and forth, while kind of acting out a scene. like a girl who has a crush on the football star (that one was way fun, though i think i may have been a little too good at it...) or like one person was going to murder the other.

very fun stuff.

but, the main reason for this post is because of the lovely glenna's (p.s. i ♥ your name!) plot and paper project.

most of you, i assume, have heard of NaNoWriMo.

that's national novel writing month, for those of you who don't know who that is.

i still plan on participating, unless i get really swamped.

one story at school, one at home.

NaNoWriMo's end-of-the-month goal is 50,000 words.

the plot and paper project is a novel written entirely by hand - no typing. the goal is 180 pages by december 31.

since i prefer writing by hand and i am obsessed with pretty notebooks and pens, this project is perfect for me.

so, i'm in.

i'll likely be posting progress reports on either thursdays or sundays -- sometimes even both.

to find out more about the plot and paper project, go to the link above, or search #plotandpaperproject on twitter.

xoxo,

rissa

sore throats & G.D.O-s

2010-09-05T19:29:00.000-04:00

hello, loves!

i love sundays. especially sundays where i get to have a g.d.o (girl's day out) with my momma.

we went to one of my favorite little towns (think stars hollow, but full of hippies and hipsters), in search of a seemingly elusive stitch-n-bitch.

we didn't find it. we checked every coffee shop in town (there are about ten), and every single one referred us to a different one.

it was still fun, though.

and, in the end, i got an early birthday present::

a hematite and sterling silver ring, with rather complex metal work. i looooooooooove it.

but, i was walking around all day with a sore throat and a sinus headache.

which sucked.

like, majorly.

since i was about half done with my english essay prior to the weekend, i am going to finish it tomorrow. tonight, it is veronica mars and pull-n-peel twizzlers.

om nom nom.

i love three day weekends a crazy amount.

especially after a friday full of unexpected twists and turns.

first, zoe and i were waiting for the first bell (the one that allows us to go to our lockers -- until then, we're stuck outside, in the lobby, or in the cafeteria) and we were walking around. i can sum up this event in two words::: haylooooooo nelson.

freshman aren't supposed to be that cute. or tall. it's against the rules.

second, zoe dragged me into the cafeteria. i am never in there before school starts, so it was weird for me.

what was even weirder was my ex-boyfriend (who now has a mohawk -- UGHHHHH) hugged me. hugged me.

*shudder*

then, in either biology or computer apps, (i think it was bio because we were setting up an experiment...) zoe was like "i can introduce you to nelson/set you guys up."

conflict of interest, here. a) i wanna stick to my "lonely hearts club" pact, but b) dayummmm.

and, to top it all off, andrew (also known as pickleseimer) for some reason is being nice to me.

dubya tee eff?

well, the twizzlers and netflix await me.

xoxo,

rissa

feliz viernes

2010-09-03T16:22:00.001-04:00

hello, loves!

i t ' s f r i d a y ! ! ! ! ! !

and it is the second friday of my sophomore year.

allow me to simply say that i am so glad that this is labor day weekend!

i need a break from the work they've already been giving us.

i already have TWO major projects for ONE SINGLE ENGLISH CLASS.

i feel like it is a fill-in-the-blank friday. do you feel it, too? here we go!

f i l l i n t h e b l a n k s:

t r a v e l e d i t i o n!

as always, this is hosted by lauren!

if i didn't have to work (go to school, in my case) anymore, i would travel a lot, write a lot, and make lots of good food. also, most of my time would be spent sleeping.
my favorite thing abot vacation is when it is completely spontaneous. planned vacations are just work. the only thing that really needs to be planned on vacation is where, how long, how much, who's going with you, and how many days of travel time will you need.
when packing for a trip i have a tendency to pack too much. i mean, i pack the exact amount of clothes i need, plus two extra outfits (or at least one extra pair of jeans), lots of notebooks, lots of reading books, and lots of toiletries.
if i could go on a road trip with anyone (dead OR alive) i would choose john mayer, matt bomer, sarah dessen, or maureen johnson because they are all awesome people (and the guys are hot) (and the women are extremely talented authors) and we would go to new york, seattle, and chapel hill, NC, because they are all places i want to visit and because three out of four of them live or work in new york.
my top 3 absolute travel essentials are lots of yarn to knit up, good music, and good food/drinks (especially stuff with caffeine).
vacations are something that everyone needs at least once a year. it doesn't have to be something big, but everyone needs some actual scheduled in time to relax AT LEAST once a year.
on vacation you must always have good friends, good food, good music, and have fun.

well, loves, i will post more later. now i'm off to watch white collar with my momma :D

xoxo,

rissa

acting class

2010-09-02T10:06:00.000-04:00

hello, lovelies.

while i am a writer, i must admit that i am a t o t a l drama queen.

big surprise, right?

well, acting class is so far my total favorite class of my sophomore year. mr. w is awesomely funny, and i don't get yelled at for being dramatic. in fact, i get applauded for being dramatic.

ahem, WOOT!

awesome people, too.

even though zoezoe ain't in there.

but levi and faraah are awesome.

i seem to always have free time in computer apps, which i love. this always happens in computer class. i type too fast, apparently. when i don't have twitter to distract me...

today i even made my flyer about NaNoWriMo!

so, anyone else doing NaNoWriMo this year? i am hoping i'll be able to, but if school keeps me too busy, i'll have to give in... again. plus, i might have to start taking tap dance in November so that i can try out for "Thoroughly Modern Milly" in the spring.

my only problem is that, while i have great rhythm mostly, i do not have it in my feet. at all. i feel sorry for the girls that were in my ballet class when i was little. they had their feets stomped on.

oopsie daisy....

they need to fix the climate in this school. they already more or less fixed the social climate, but i mean the

c l i m a t e

climate. as in, one day it is burning hot, and the next it's freezing cold. dubya tee eff, WHS!

my grade school enemy is now a rather good friend of mine - we have to work together in algebra 2, and we sit next to each other in bio. it's no use hating her. and she's actually not as mean as i thought she was.

and yes, i am just rambling on and on right now. i don't feel like doing anything else.

the first official home game of the season (football wise) is tomorrow night. i might try and go. though i'd rather go to greene's home game. i want to root for my boys there. i can be a better cheerleader for them than the cheerleaders can.

i may or may not be a little louder than them...

o k, f i n e. a l o t l o u d e r.

i n s u m m a r y . . .

i am a loud mouth drama queen, and dang proud of it.

xoxo,

rissa

ruuuuuuuuuuuuuule breaker

2010-09-01T10:00:00.000-04:00

hello everyone!

guess what?

i am updating this at school!

they don't have any of my writing sites or my blogs blocked, and i have a computer class where the work is really easy, so i have free time :D

i am sooooooo sorry i haven't updated in a while. i've been behind because of... well, high school.

i am behind in writing, behind in emails, behind in all social aspects of my world. which kinda sucks. but, so far i am doing fairly well in school. which is what is really important.

but, i plan on starting up my posts on The Danger Magnet again, as soon as I figure out some stuff to type up for it. i also want to post at least once a week.... hopefully.

and, unfortunately, i came up with yet another story idea. TOO MANY.

too. freaking. many.

i don't have enough time to write one, let alone 5.

i am hoping that in november i'll be able to do NaNoWriMo.

(hopefully Bailey Kelsey will take me under her wing as a NaNoNewbie)

mah bestie zoeyyyy is sitting right next to me reading what i am typing. say hi, zoey.

"hiyas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

well, i think i have less than ten minutes before i have to leave for el espanol dos, so i'm gonna make sure i actually have the right book.... and my coffeeeeee....

xoxo,

rissa

PS: yesterday, i attempted to make it through the day without any form of caffeine... i survived, but i am NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN!

writers' workshops are FUN! pilondial cysts are NOT!

2010-08-16T23:08:00.000-04:00

okay, so it's been awhile since i've posted,

A) since i've been away from the computer a lot and B) because it's been really hard for me to sit down lately because i had a very, VERY painful cyst.

pilondial cysts are no fun, and if it comes back my doc wants me to have surgery.

SURGERY.

S.U.R.G.E.R.Y!!!!!

*weeps in the corner because i really don't like needles*

BUT after the doctor got me with a needle but made me feel much better, i got to go to a writers' workshop which was super fun.

it was hosted at my library by kristina mcbride, author of the tension of opposites which i still really need to read.

but she was absolutely fan-fricking-tabulous and super-nice to even me, Miss Talksalot.

she gave us a lot of information and ideas, and i found it all extremely helpful and i would much rather spend three hours every weekend like that rather than watching crappy movies at my father's.

plus, i made a couple of friends up that-a-way, which is awesome, because i know NOBODY where my dad lives. that know is now a knew.

PICTURE TIME!

EDITTTT::: okay, apparently flickr is not going to let me right-click-and-save or give me a screen so i can post a picture from a link (go die in a hole, flickr)

but i will give you the linky so you can have a looksee at the entire album.

i am the one in the floral dress, right next to the blonde who was the author (i gave her bunny ears in one of the pictures... heheheh :D), kristina mcbride, and the two girls in front of kristina and i are the friends i made. WOOT.

i am cut-off in all of the candid photos, so i am in like a total of three. but you can see my glasses, notebook, and sweater in a lot of them....

i am getting enrolled in my local high school tomorrow, and i am morbidly excited for school to start on the twenty-fifth.

except for the fact i have to read farenheit 451 and the alchemist in less than ten days...

oi vey.

xoxo,

rissa

for more information on author kristina mcbride, visit her website here.

finding houses & back to school excitement

2010-08-07T01:30:00.001-04:00

i haven't posted since july, so here we go:

my john mayer + train concert was amazing. the boys were, needless to say, fuckhawt.

and so was the weather. but john was... *wolf-whistles*

as you can see right here:

hayyyyyloooooo gorgeousssss....

i want zee bandana. i WANTZZZZZ.

and, for the encore, i ended up about ten feet away from him coz he headed to a seperate, small stage. if dad and i would have listened to my stepmother, well, i would probably never wash my hand again.

om nom nom nom...

if only i hadn't gone with my dad and my stepmom...

anyways, after that, my mom and i looked at a couple of houses, one of which i fell absolutely in love with.

mom and i have been trying to move from our farmhouse, old with 54 acres of land, for the past five years. we love it, but no one in our "family" is physically able to work on it. my mom with heart problems, gluten intolerant, and chronic fatigue syndrome; my stepdad with two bad hips, a bad back, bad knees, and bad nerves; and me, with asthma, and not the best stamina.

yeah, kind of hard to take care of a farm, no animals or anything, but farm.

anyways, the prime suspect right now is an adorably cozy house in the historic district of a town that close by to anything and everything.

hardwood floors, the room that i would get has a little deck which is over the sun porch....

and it's within two blocks of a record store, three book stores, the library...

yeah, i like it.

while i won't be in that school district immediately for my sophomore year, i am kind of excited for school... even though i despise the school district i currently live in.

all of my extra social events will be at my old school, where the lovely leila and the sweetheart sweets go to school, i won't be too miserable...

but i'm a school supply nerd. i love them. i like getting tons of those 15 cent notebooks, pencils, brightly colored pens...

and... i... am... running out of words...

so, goodnight, lovies.

xo,

rissa

cloud watching

2010-07-26T12:05:00.000-04:00

hello, lovelies.

yesterday was amazing.

i was the happiest i have been for quite a while

- happy, not just content.

i got that feeling you get when you're just laying there in the grass next to your best friend, simply asking stupid questions and watching the clouds as they roll by, having a real and true lazy sunday.

i swear, i still haven't been able to wipe the smile off of my face.

it doesn't take a lot to make me scarily happy.

a hug that makes you feel like nothing can go wrong, at least while you're still in it;

a few good hours of writing;

finding out that your friend absolutely loves the cd you gave him for christmas, even though you were super skeptical about it;

being able to sit and talk for hours about nothing in particular;

somebody knowing the exact words to say, right when you need them...

sweets is really good at that last one. at least, with me he is.

he knows i'll probably be going back to a school i don't like this year, and he says he's going to try and make it better for me, by trying to make it so that we can hang out more, just to make me happier...

he gets his license in january or february, so it'll be a little easier after that...

he's a good "older brother", even if i do have to remind myself sometimes that that is what he is to me.

tomorrow is going to be amazing as well - i finally get to go to my john mayer concert!!!!! it's here it's here it's finally here!!!!

so, por favor, do not knock me down off of this happy cloud i happen to be sitting on.

xoxo,

rissa

just call me cinderella

2010-07-23T00:38:00.000-04:00

hello, lovies.

so, a couple of days ago (as in tuesday) i got my cat back.

it's a long and difficult story to explain, so i'll give you the short of it.

when my mom and i moved out of my stepdad's house a couple of years ago, we left our cat (which we had only had for about a year or so - we found her as a kitten, and she was a stray) at his place so it would be easier to sell our house.

plus it gave him company.

NOW we are trying to sell his house and he is moving back in with us (*facepalm*), so the cat got brought back here.

this cat has tried to murder me before. i'm not kidding. i can't make that kind of shit up.

but, since she's back, i've been having to clean. a lot. because i happen to have allergic asthma and am allergic to freaking cats!

makes a bunch of sense, don't it?

so, i've been vacuuming, dusting, doing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning cleaning cleaning.

my room is even clean.

that never happens. ever.

in other news...

i actually lost a pound and a half this week. i know, random, but i was on the wii fit earlier and felt like sharing. mom kept calling me a skinny bitch this week, and i wanted to find out why... though one pound doesn't make that much of a difference...

and my mom calling me a skinny bitch in context actually sounds really bad.

(she was teasing me when we bought me clothes because it looked like i didn't have a tummy. and when she calls somebody a bitch, she means it as a compliment. unless she's calling the cat a bitch... then it's because the cat bit her.)

i *might* be getting a job at the goodwill they plan on opening up in my town.

i'd actually enjoy working at a goodwill more than any fast food place, and i need to get a job for more spending money. i'm thinking of checking out books'n'more as well.

monday, mom and i are going to visit the enrollment offices at the two schools that i might actually want to go to - the district i'm in is a last resort. we're hoping that the best district in the county will let me in because i was in virtual schooling last year, even though one of my old bffs tried to enroll there and the class was full.

aaaand next tuesday.....

i get to see john mayer and train in concert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*squees*

i am SO looking forward to that concert. it will be worth not getting a birthday present from dad or judy this year.

it's john. fucking. mayer.

THIS guy:

room for squares was my first cd. EVER. i was five or six when i got it. i have been a fan of his for just. that. long.

i know that most media portrays him as an arrogant asshat, but honestly, one of the songs on his first album shows that he knows that he runs his mouth.

it was aptly named my stupid mouth.

i basically don't listen to him unless he has a guitar in his hands. even if he isn't playing it, some of his little monologues from recorded concerts (try tracing from the live as/is album in either '04 or '05, and my stupid mouth [i think] from any given thursday) are so freaking amazingly true, it's hard to believe it's the same guy.

and the freaking lyrics!

*ded*

am i going to make you listen to me swoon over the awesomeness that is j.c.mayer anymore?

no.

i will keep that in my head so i don't have to put you through that torture ;)

fare thee well!

xoxo,

rissa

Confessions...

2010-07-22T02:04:00.000-04:00

the lovely annie at my sweet old etcetera does a confession posting every week.

i am always wanting to figure out one to post of my own, but haven't been able to come up with anything until this week, where she did one with a "love & marriage" theme.

i have always wanted two kids and a husband. the boy will be older than the girl by about two years, and we will all live in a house with a chocolate lab and a wrought iron fence... at least it wasn't white picket ;)

though i want kids and a husband, i do not want them until i have established the rest of my life. i want to have a job, afford a decent home for my children, and set the foundation with the guy i love before kids come around. both of my half-sisters got pregnant when they were teenagers, as was one of my stepsisters, and i've seen the aftermath.

i honestly do not want to be a stay-at-home mom. i am always grateful that my mom decided to be one, but i don't think i could be happy without a job and routine. unless i write a novel that gets published and i get another book deal with the publisher and my husband has a good job... no stay at home mommy for rissa.

for my sophomore year, i plan on making myself a lonely hearts club style pact. if you haven't read "the lonely hearts club" by elizabeth eulberg, you should. basically, this pact swears off those cruel, heart-breaking guys - not completely, but it really swears off the girl many of us tend to become when we have a crush on a guy. this year i'm staying true to myself, and not changing because i think it will make a guy like me.

when somebody proposes to be someday, i don't want it to be too dramatic or too cheesy. honestly, i'd want him to come to my house or apartment or wherever i'm living for dinner with a white rose and a blackberry lily held together by the ring. the gesture is there, but it's still simple.

i have never wanted my wedding in a church. i've always imagined it to be on a beach or in a meadow.

i have always wanted to wear my grandmother's wedding dress when i get married. though i never got to meet her, she and i could have been twins, both personality and looks wise. plus, though she and my grandfather had many issues, i know they loved each other with all of their hearts, just by the way grandpa spoke of her.

though i do not think chivalry is dead, i do think that every once and a while, the girl should pay. for one thing, when the guy pays all the time for me, it makes me feel like they think i am not competent enough to do anything for myself - though i know that i am competent and that they don't think that.

every guy that i've ever "dated" has been really sweet, and i'm still friends with all of them, even if we don't talk that much.

though i am a total hopeless romantic, i am also a true cynic about love. i've never really truly seen it (romantically) in real life, so i have my doubts that it exists.

ok, i swear, this is my last post of the night.

questions? comments?

xoxo,

rissa

insomnia attacks!

2010-07-22T01:14:00.000-04:00

did i just post?

yes.

but it was a recipe, so i get another one :P

for the past two or three weeks, i've been hardly sleeping, and it sucks.

i've been staying up to about two, and as late as four or five.

i always stay up late, but this is pushing it.

it's not like i'm actually trying to stay up late, recently. it's a matter of i can only toss and turn in this bed for so long without losing my damned mind.

so, i write. or i get on the computer. or i watch tv. or i read.

and then, by the time the clock strikes three or four and i'm so exhausted i may as well be dead, i fall back into bed.

just to toss and turn again.

really effing annoying.

so, tonight, i am blogging, since i have no tv shows that i want to watch and the story i've been watching for updates on hasn't since i last checked.

the other night, i played with my blog layout and made a new header.

that is how bored i am.

i am longing for the routine of school, again.

and i mean routine routine, the kind you only truly get when going to a brick-and-mortar school, with bells and schedules and teachers and classes and places to be, and, dare i say it, alarm clocks.

i despise mornings, by the way.

but i miss school.

and, dammit, i'm going back to an actual school next year!

or else me or my mother or both of us will need to be committed to a mental hospital and get rooms completely padded and be subjected to straight jackets.

i went to walmart today.

that may not seem exciting, but believe me, it was.

was it running through a crowded mall, playing hide-and-go-seek with friends?

no. not that kind of exciting.

walmart (and a few other superstores) have begun to put out their school supplies. fifteen cent spiral bound notebooks, quarter composition books, post it notes, pens!

i happen to be a school supply addict.

and my mom is an enabler.

have i mentioned i love my mother?

AND i got a sudoku book.

you are reading the blog of not only someone who loves words, but also loves numbers. and i mean loves.

i, honest to God, have an algebra for dummies problem workbook just. for. fun.

so, i am extremely happy about that sudoku notebook.

along with the first day and picture day outfits i got!!

(did i mention that my mother is an enabler? clothes count as school supplies. now, if she gets me those shoes from forever21, i will be in heaven...)

oh, and seventeen magazine that WASN'T the bieber super issue.

yes, i am back to last summer's stance of "will somebody please kill him?!"

(or at least keep him from ever talking/singing again until he actually hits effing puberty?!)

and all of this has kept me busy, so i haven't had the chance to be furious at myself over something i'd rather not state here... or anywhere.... that secret needs to stay between two people...

*headdesk*

needless to say, i'm excited to be a sophomore, to get the high school experience. i know i'll walk in on my first day with an attitude, and if i'm back at my old school, i'm not going to let myself slip into the old and familiar. okay, maybe with the guys....

but a quick question - why are the popular guys actually genuinely nice sometimes, and the popular girls such... shrews? (mom lets me call her a bitch but not stupid people. being a bitch [Beautiful Intelligent Talented Caring Human] is a good thing - beig bitchy is not.)

and why are the upperclass popular girls actually nice (to me) and not the ones closer to my own age?

and do i even want to effing know?

i am actually starting to feel tired at one'o'clock, so i bid you goodnight, lovies.

xoxo,

rissa

tales of a teenage gypsy

fill-in-the-blank friday

second day in and still making progress

oh what a way to start the new year!

friday!

fiesta

caramel coffee = antidote to the world

he was the visual equivalent of a sunday morning

fridayfridayfriday

my life in pictures by people who don't know me

oh, juliet...

happy thanksgiving

pillow forts and 750words

pay me in elephants and gratitude.

felice venerdi

happy friday!

fill-in-the-blank friday

feliz fin de semana

why being obsessive sucks

fridayfridayfriday

why i love My Girlfriend's Boyfriend

fill-in-the-blank friday

a sunshine-y tuesday

a happy rainy cloudy friday

tick tock tick tock

fill-in-the-blank friday

sometimes you just need girl time

things that make me happy

a week in review

oh, the wonderful things you find on the interwebz (no, really)

my father's daughter

last day of summer

an award

Where I'd Like To Be

Letters to You - 8.8.11

fill in the blank friday

fit for a princess

Letters to You - July 9, 2011

7.9.11

7.1.11

tuesday update

duuuuuh-dunn! duuuuuuuuuh-dunn! duh-dun-duh-dun-duh-dun! it's almost heeeeeeeeeeee-re!

meh. it's friday. :/

distractions...

p&p - distractions and inspiration

feliz viernes

♫ if you want more love why don't you say so? ♫

♫ you are slowly breaking me down

♫ fathers be good to your daughters.... ♫

plot & paper update

feliz viernes!!!!! *squee*

plot & paper update - 93 days left!

class rings

terrible twos

feliz viernes!

invisible reports

school. bleh.

study hall and an update on plot and paper!

drama king & queen

happy monday! {is a contradiction of terms}

plot&paper project

sore throats & G.D.O-s

feliz viernes

acting class

ruuuuuuuuuuuuuule breaker

writers' workshops are FUN! pilondial cysts are NOT!

finding houses & back to school excitement

cloud watching

just call me cinderella

Confessions...

insomnia attacks!

feliz viernes!!!!! squee